Doom, doom, doom, ha, ha

Constantly panic when I go out, bud
I'm never relaxin', can't stand it, I'm collapsin'
Seems random? Not at all
There's a specific reason why my skin is blanchin'
It ain't the assholes in traffic; spiders? Just smash 'em
Tick, tick, tock, clocks don't make me frazzled
Whether it's because I'm totally late
Or the concept of a clock, not scared of planks, Frank
Not wiggin' at pigeons or the cosmos unrav'llin'
Might happen, we'd be shit out of luck, so can't panic
Truth, yes, I'm avoidin' that
Just the sound of the word makes me crap in my pants
Too much information? I meant it, mate
I don't wanna F-A-C-E, face
My pathetic problem, want to escape
I don't wanna F-A-C-E, face

See, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm quite afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh
Really afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those Nikes, mate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Yes, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm so afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh
Super afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those Reeboks, mate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Not one pause of silence, laugh uproariously
I look left and then right, shoes are lookin' at me
And when I'm lookin' at them, their-their laces wag more
Tauntin' me with strangulation, that's somethin' I abhor
Especially cause they hurt
Shoes hurt, from big boots to the slippers of a young girl
Whether they're aimed at my cheeks
Or the spot between my legs, I freak at that, see
Call me a chicken, but they've got a tongue within 'em
I don't want them, hate them, fear them, loathe them
Always make me shiver, shake and quiver when I browse through the op-shop
Even high heels make me wail
Those spikes may end up in my eyes, oh hell
You're still not listenin' to me, I can tell
On the floor laughin', I'd look down but I'd pale at your Chacos

See, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm quite afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh
Really afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those Pumas, mate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Yes, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm so afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh
Super afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those ugg boots, mate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

No-ot crazy, je-erk, you should sto-op it
Do-on't start wavin' you-our Vans arou-ound me
See my eyes (see my eyes) go so wide
You're drivin' me-e out my mind (out of my mi-ind)
Ma-adelines (ooh-ooh, scary)
If I cou-ould I-I would burn a-all the shoe-oe-oes, bu-uddy
Ooh-ooh, they're unsi-ightly, way too pri-icey (ah)
Don't bring those crocs nea-ear me-e-e, buddy, whoo (ah-ah-ah)

See, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (Converse, they're spooky shoe-oes) (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm quite afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh (ooh, Dr. Martens, sca-ary)
Really afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those Merrels, mate (oh-oh-oh, ooh) (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Yes, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (scared of those Georgia Boo-oots) (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm so afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh (ooh, Birkenstocks are sca-ary)
Super afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those Danskos, mate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
See, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm quite afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh
Really afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those Skechers, mate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Yes, I'm afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah-ah-ah-ah)
I'm so afrai-aid of shoe-oes, whoo-ooh-ooh
Super afrai-aid of shoe-oes (ah)
Wanna escape those damn Nurse Mates (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)