I'll get more work, my star is shinin'
They called me jerk, now they'll be whinin'
They'll never stop my upward-climbin'
'Cause I'm The ... Man!

My handsome stuff's there in the mirror
I'm ripped and buff, complexion's clearer
Girls fight to get up-close and nearer
I'm an award-winning, god-like man!

And when a scene I'm in comes on your T-V
You'll faint and swoon whenever you see me!

I'm the man, and here's my bonus [holds up Artty Award]
Now when I'm swinging my cojones
I'll show 'em what testosterone is
'Cause I'm The
Star-studded
Hard-pudded
Groupie-grazing MAN!

***[skipping the Dave-Jerry conversation in the original song]***

Line up, ladies!
Here comes Fontaine --- The Big Kahuna ---
Come take a number --- it's raining ME !

Kneel down, ladies!
It's your God-of-Love Chad, throwing his thunderbolt into your love-zone!
Bow down! Smooch my Gucci shoe!

Fully-loaded --- I'm Chad-Apollo --- your newest, and, BIGGEST star!
M-m-mount my "Mount Olympus", baby! HOO-YAAHH !!!

I'm gonna jump straight up
Kick a hole in the moon
I know exactly where I'm going
And I know I'm gonna get there soon
I've shown you, I've shown them all
I've shown them all the real thing

Who is The Man?
Why does it matter?
'Cause I'M THE MAN --- WORSHIP AND FLATTER !!
Give me your LOVE
Give me your WIFE

'Cause I am ---
'Cause I am the ---
The Man!
The REAL Man!
Yes I am!
In the mo-vies!
And on T-V !

The REAL Man you've been missin'
Who the ladies will be kissin'
I'M THE RAM-ROD
BOD-OF-GOD
MAN !!!