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Song Parodies -> "That's No Knife"

Original Song Title:

"It's My Life"

Original Performer:

No Doubt

Parody Song Title:

"That's No Knife"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

You know that one scene that everyone quotes from Crocodile Dundee? Well this might be like that scene. It's about knife-comparing, at least.
So you think your knife's real good? Well
'Fraid it's not true
I could deflect that ea-easily
With my knife, du-ude
That's the real truth
May think it's swell
But for me, du-ude
That's a hard sell

Cause that's no knife
Fro-om hilt to e-end
It's so sli-ight
Wo-on't help you, friend (won't help you, friend)

You wanted to protect yourself
But that won't do
You pull that, they won't be scared off
They'll laugh, it's true
I'm laughing like hell
At your pinpri-ick, du-ude
Crap repellent

Cause that's no knife
I-It won't prote-ect
Anyone's li-ife
Du-ull at both ends (dull at both ends)

How much would it sell
For? I'll bet, du-ude
Not much, I can tell

That's no knife
You got this ye-et?
Re-epeat it lou-oud
Ti-il it connects (gets through your head)
It's dagger-li-ite
Tha-at descriptio-ion
I-Is gen'rous no-ow
Mo-ore like a pin (more like a pin)
Oh, that's no knife (oh, that's no knife)
Ca-an't fight with i-it (can't stab with it)
Ju-ust try it no-ow (I dare you now)
I-In my eye, shit (that's a good hit)

I said "might" in the intro because I've never seen Crocodile Dundee.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - November 11, 2015 - Report this comment
As NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs would say, "Rule Number 9: Never go anywhere without a knife." Although even his knife looks like a minor weapon compared to Dundee's.
Rob Arndt - November 11, 2015 - Report this comment
Knives are tricky because they are up-close weapons. Top 10 lists usually mention US Ka-Bars, Bowie's, SOG 2000 while the Brits are known for Fairbairn-Sykes, BC-41, push daggers. Germans rule with Eickhorn-Solingen bayonets and combat knives. Best today is the KM2000. Germany also invented crystal steel knives which use metal shavings in the forging process. This produces a knife that cuts top and bottom plus both sides without need for any sawtooth backs or serrated lowers. It rips chunks of flesh from the human body, can go right through Kevlar and metal. Fun fact: Aussies in WW1 used to wrap razor wire around hand guards so that enemy could not grab hold of them and also to rip faces and throats!
Patrick - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
If I remember correctly, the knife the mugger pulled on Dundee was a cheap NATO brand in and out switchblade. If stabbed into a heavy leather jacket or other resistant surface, the blade would be jammed halfway into the handle. A real pain to fix, especially if you have the pinned model, and not the one assembled with screws. I've always had a fondness for automatics. But I don't trust them as serious weapons. They are now perfectly legal to own and to carry in Kansas, so I have one on me. But mostly for opening envelopes and cutting string. Strange, but once they were legalized, the good ones all disappeared and no one wants to buy them any more.
Ann - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
know the movie
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
Patrick, don't know about the mugger switchblade, but Dundee's knife was a John Bowring custom Bowie...
A. Pacifist - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
Has it not occurred to you 2 that a music-humor site's comments thread is not a sensible place to discuss weapons-specs? A few of us may be outraged, but I am sure the vast majority of readers are puzzled or put off.
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
Technically, I was answering movie trivia. And many authors here comment on controversial topics like politics, social issues, religion, veganism, and yes, war too. Milspeak is not a crime. Talking about weapons isn't advocating violence either. Humor also varies.
Vlad - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
It's a question about what is appropriate and is of general interest to amateur parodists. If someone wrote a light parody to the tune of Orchechornya, would long comments by communist historians on dialectical materialism be welcome and relevant?
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
The Comments section is for comments of any kind (barring personal attacks, obscenities, and sexuality). Patrick's comment's and my own are directly linked to this parody topic on this thread about Dundee's knife. The fact that you have nothing relevant to add to this discussion is irrelevant to me. You certainly don't speak for everyone. The facts that you don't like knife discussions and can't understand Milspeak are your problems. I will not yield to a whiner. Period.
Vlad - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
Baloney, Arndt! Your first comment was totally unrelated to the parody. Just because the parody was about a knife in a movie does not make it appropriate for you to go into one of your arcane weapons lectures. You just look for an excuse to fill your time bloviating. You call yours a comment? THIS is a comment!
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
@conqueror; Surprisingly, I always enjoyed that movie scene, wish you had put some specific movie and Strine references in your song. Why don't we ask Chucky G to limit comments to 50 words, except by the author. There are other places to post sermons and theses. Any takers???
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
Dear "Vlad", you probably shouldn't use the word arcane so much because it means obscure. Most of the types of knives I listed are not only NOT obscure, but are famous like the KA-BAR, Bowie, Fairbairn-Sykes!!! Just like Dundee's knife to that puny switchblade, these are REAL KNIVES! My comment was accurate and my fun fact was no different than say anyone else's trivia provided in the Comments Section on any thread.
Vlad - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
To stay on the subject: If anyone accuses Arndt of filling up these parody-site pages with long-winded, unsolicited, irrelevant jargon-loaded minutiae, his predictable response is that the accuser is a wimp with the problem of not understanding Milspeak. Well, I was designing ECM when you were in diapers, and my colleagues and I used to make fun of the fools who tried to impress by slinging acronyms around. You're a first-class slinger, and a chocolate soldier to boot.
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
ECM? LOL! You actually made me laugh! Btw, this is about knives. Apart from KA-BAR (Kill A BeAR) there are no acronyms here! If you have something to say on the B-3 thread, then do so.
Mack the Knife - November 13, 2015 - Report this comment
Hey, Rob and Patrick, why don't you exchange e-mail addresses and keep your private conversations about guns and knives out of the Comments section? Enough already!!!
Rob Arndt - November 13, 2015 - Report this comment
This parody was about Crocodile Dundee's knife and so my comments were appropriate. The knives (plural, as there were six made for the film) were movie props made by a knife designer and they were, despite appearances, made of aluminum! My participation gives insight into the film production, the scene in question, provides information on fighting knives, and answered Patrick's valid question. Enough said, NFR...
Agrimorfee - November 13, 2015 - Report this comment
Loves me them multiple-account-hacking-multiple-pseud trolls. Security code: GUU. At's not a knife, at's a 555!

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