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Song Parodies -> "All Hooked Men (Can't Be My Friend)"

Original Song Title:

"All Good Things (Come to an End)"

Original Performer:

Nelly Furtado

Parody Song Title:

"All Hooked Men (Can't Be My Friend)"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

There are many things that can cause someone to be cautious about making friends with you. This one's a bit...petty.
Arr-arr-arr

What I see is a tip-off for me
Unfair? So sad you need help so it's clear to thee
Don't need, see, folks non-handy
I mean that lit'rally, if they're missin': dismissin'

I don't want pirates, they'll rend
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend
Flags set off, no good portent
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend (arr-arr)
Can't be my friend (arr-arr), can't be my (arr-arr)
Afraid all hooked men can't be a friend (arr-arr)
Can't be my friend (arr-arr), can't be my (arr-arr)
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend

Paranoid? I only want the best friends
So those who replace (place)
Cut off mitts with pointy parts to hook fish with
Aren't good dudes (ooh), at best it's just poor foresight (arr)
At worst it's a threat, not kind (arr-arr)
It's not sheer insanity, my brain's workin' right

Who here wants pirates? Bad end
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend
Just comes off as ill intent
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend (arr-arr)
Can't be my friend (arr-arr), can't be my (arr-arr)
Afraid all hooked men can't be a friend (arr-arr)
Can't be my friend (arr-arr), can't be my (arr-arr)
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend

Know I'm comin' off as quite a rude dude
Hate to be a huge douche, but I just can't trust you
Cause, buddy, of all the options laid out to you
Tell me, why do you choose a hook? Just seems dumb, dude
You're no pirate, why?
Why?
Why?
Why?

Thought you'd want (want) both hands, you're wrecked (wrecked)
Afraid all hooked men can't be my friend
You write stuff (stuff), why hunt and peck (peck)?
Afraid all hooked men can't be (oh-oh) my friend (friend) (arr-arr)
Can't be my friend (friend) (arr-arr), can't be my (friend) (arr-arr)
Afraid all (friend) hooked men can't be a friend (friend) (arr-arr)
Can't be my friend (friend) (arr-arr), can't be my (friend) (arr-arr)
Afraid all (friend) hooked men can't be my friend

That's not all that makes me scared of you, dude
Though it is a huge clue, I still wouldn't want you
Got that eyepatch and that peg-leg, not good
That combo's not okay, still gets worse, I have to say
Man, your hygiene puts your health in doubt, sir
Your B.O. is painful, that beard needs a good shave, it
Has tons of spilled and rotten food, dude
Still, mostly refuse you cause your hook hand, dude
Mr. Teach, goodbye

To those who get who I was referring to in that last line: I know he didn't actually have all the stereotypical pirate accoutrements, it's a joke. Holy shit, spelled "accoutrements" right on the first go.

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