It don't come easy, it feels so strange
And my wifey thinks I'm such a heel
And she wants me to love like when we both were young
She should relieve me
All that I see is a girl who once blew

Oh, how could this thing happen? I had the range
I could stay in the wife, shouting
Looking out for her interests, staying out of the buns
Now my hose failing
Taking the pills, trying everything new
But nothing inflated at all
As I expected it to

Don't die on me, hardened weenah
The truth is I used to heft you
All through my marriage
At her insistence
My poor John Thomas
Won't go the distance

Now this is torture, I feel so lame
I'm never excited by sin
It must seem to the girls that I'm almost retired
It's not the protrusion that it used to be
The culprit appears to be time
I heave to, but it just leaves me

Don't die on me, hardened weenah
The truth is I used to heft you
All through my marriage
At her insistence
My poor John Thomas
Won't go the distance

Have you heard too much?
There's nothing there but the shrinkage to make me blue
And all you have to do is laugh at me
And know what I say ain't true

Don't die on me, hardened weenah