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Song Parodies -> "Downsized"

Original Song Title:

"Southside"

Original Performer:

Lloyd ft. Ashanti

Parody Song Title:

"Downsized"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Time to fire half the workforce for vague, barely-justified reasons!
The top bosses won't be payin' themselves far smaller wages
The notion is crazy, in fact, their bonuses will grow
How, you ask? Let's say room will be made, let people go
Like sacks of potatoes
Expectin' the PR spin soon with all of the buzzwords
"Paradigm" and "assets", claim they're sad to see folks go
Don't believe that, do you? It's the worst damn inside joke, worst joke
Yes, when it comes to bus'nesses, it's the worst inside joke
And what's even worse, it's up to me who gets let go (all kinds of bullshit)

We're all gettin' downsized, profit's down an incline
That's not good for all the CEO's (the top CEO's)
They won't part with their cash horde, so thanks to the well-bribed board
It's the lower rungs who'll have to go ('fraid they'll have to go)
We're all gettin' downsized, so that we can boost high (boost high)
The amount of swimmin' pools they have (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Sorry, we've been downsized, hurts (downsized, eh-eeh-ay)
Downsized

Whole rigamarole, I hate it, been tryin' hard to change it
Don't think that they'll do shit 'cause that would change up their whole world
Best get down to brass tacks and decide who will get turfed
Oh, hate this, yeah-eah
Joe is always late, that is true (time), but he's our best typer
Stephen has a temper, but when shit breaks? He's on top
And Marie is kinda grumpy, but she shuts bad customers up (shuts 'em up)
Why is this such a pain? No-one I know deserves to go, yeah-eah
No out-and-out jerks except for those CEOs (it's utter bullshit)

We're all gettin' downsized, stop the downward incline (incline)
That is totally legit, you know (oh-oh, no, no)
The profit isn't that much, at least for the higher-ups
Payments for gold mansions might get slow (just a little slow)
So we're gettin' downsized so that they can go dive
In a Scrooge McDuck pool of their cash (bellyflop dive, mate)
Sorry, we've been downsized, hurts (yeah-eah-yeah-eah)
Downsized, downsized (downsized), this is bullcrap (mmm-mmm-hmm)

This is bullcrap (this is bullcrap)
Not right, I hate this (I hate this, yeah-ay)
We're all gettin' downsized, hurts (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-oh)
The only way to choose which employees I must lose, huh
Oh, hate this, gettin' downsized (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-oh-oh-oh-ho-oh)
Got that old standard: pictures on dartboard (oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)

We're all gettin' downsized (they're just bein' stingy, yeah-eeh-yeah, yeah-eah)
Morale's on that incline
That they claim our profits are on, blows (oh-oh, hate this)
Thinkin' that I might go start my own company, depart (that's technic'lly downsized, yeah-eah)
Bring along ev'ryone that's below (technic'lly, that's downsized, yeah)
That's one way to downsize (downsize), more I think, more I like
Leavin' all those cash hoarders with jack (leavin' them all with jack)
They told me to downsize, hurt them like a sharp hook, bud (like a pointy hook)
We're downsized, but now a good deal, huh (I like this deal)

I filled my dartboard with all those rich arseholes
Their promises are strong as cardboard
But if this bus'ness was mine
I'd think I would be less shite (friendly and nice)
If they wanna hack (if they wanna hack) their force in half (yeah-eah-eah)
I think my way would be cool, huh, huh (yeah-eah-eah)
Let's hurt (yeah-eah) them, right
Oh-oh-oh, no (mmm-mmm-mmm), no
Yes, that's what I'll do (we'll be all set for life, buddy)
Yeah, yeah-eah, ooh (yeah-eah, yeah-eah, that'll see them downsized)
You know it, that they ain't used to low budgets, boy
But I'll show 'em (go me)
When that work phone first rang (yeah-eah, yeah, yeah)
I felt pangs of "Oh, dang" (hate it, hate it, hate it)
Leave them to hang
Once they've all been downsized

I know that there are times where downsizing is the right thing to do, but it's more fun to write about the down sides. Also, it's less research to do, which takes less time, which means less time listening to Lloyd.

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