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Song Parodies -> "Mr. Martyr"

Original Song Title:

"Mr. Carter"

Original Performer:

Lil Wayne ft. Jay-Z

Parody Song Title:

"Mr. Martyr"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Every platoon has that one gung-ho idiot...
So
So we're all in thi-this together, okay?
So I-I don't mean to go
"Try not, not bein' awesome and great
Follow me?" Because it's great what you try, know that
But that commonly? It just seems, like *sigh*
Let's try this again, listen, please

Hey, Mr. Martyr (hello)
Please don't end up all dead (uh-huh, just don't, mmm-hmm)
Boss has been askin', been requestin' (yeah)
That none of my troops die (mmm-hmm, would blow, uh-huh)
Hey, Mr. Martyr (hey, hello)
Please, I don't want you dead (quit, you know, uh-huh)
And I'm not askin', I'm demandin'
You keep your arse alive (aye-yi-yi)

Yeah, seem's volunteerin' is your one move
Your hand is always up first, I get you're enthused
When we ask if you understand the truth
With the risks "Yes, I do, yes, I do, yes, I do"
Is what then flows out of your mouth, but you
Never let us list said truths, it's not what we expect from this platoon
Blind dive into ops makes you look the fool
It's not really cool
Need measured steps, not half-cocked, Leeroy Jenkins type dudes
Don't say you put your life behind the team, that 'tude
Is what the top lot hate on our team cause discipline looks not done
Big wigs hate on our team cause it makes us look dumb
And I hate on our team those who talk up their balls
'Bout how they'll never, how they'll never, how they'll never fall
Not passin' on you for no reason
Not jealous or tryna get even

Hey, Mr. Martyr (that's you, kid)
You are way too damn quick (hand shoots up first, set your watch by it)
To stand there askin', no, demandin' (you're there yellin' at me)
That you head out and die (that's just a little morbid, huh)
Hey, Mr. Martyr (yes, you, kid)
Volunteer too damn quick (hand goes up first, beatin' all our men)
You're always first in like that comment (you know of what I speak)
On YouTube that should die (now there's a grim connection, huh)

Yeah, this one op involves a tank, kid
That demands some trainin' that you just can't skip
You're not a scrub, got it, there's no advantage
To let you at the wheel, can it
You can't sit the test, fool
Time is the crucial essence, our best tool
Can't just ditch rules straight up
Mate, shut the hatch door and move your butt
Don't force me to call in the unit camp guards
Drag your dumb ass from the tank and lock you in the dark
Because there's "tryin' hard" but what you pull ain't so
Confusin' "guts" with "pants-on-head bullshit", don't
Complain, we all treat you rather well
Given all the hell you wreak's off the scale
You wanna battle? There'll be battles, hang in there
Don't dare just run out there (dumb)

Hey, Mr. Martyr (that's you, kid)
Afraid you don't know shit (sound like a jerk, but you're just that thick)
You can't go runnin' out there blastin' (this ain't Call of Duty)
Because you're gonna die (you won't get an achievement)
Hey, Mr. Martyr (yes, you, kid)
Don't let this be your schtick (of all the quirks, it's the worst to get)
Won't be "the brave one" just "that numbskull" (hard to get "rest in peace")
Who got blown six miles high (when you're a little shit, chyeah)

And I fear that you'll fare just terrible out there
Even if you pare your missions to fare
You're armed for, I wonder: this fervour you harbour
For jobs filled with danger's off-puttin', why bother?
It's the army, there's few solo options
I'm gettin' sick of how often you jump in, too common
Now you may heard the term that I use: "martyr"
The first word I thought of to describe your little problem, it's
Iffy, implies method to your madness
No, I don't think you want death, just want the glow
"Faced doom and came back, what a dude!"
I hope, boy, that my guess there is true
I don't want a soldier so gung-ho
Fightin' for all the glory, that won't go
In my squad, no, ain't one hero
You're really a pain cause you won't face the truth, no (hey, Mr. Martyr)
Dumb, you should know, yeah
That any dope who runs off all half-cocked
They don't get a feature film to expand on their battle
Might show as a tiny cameo, dope who goes
And blows up zero enemy camps
Just a vague statistic, man, won't bring the hero angst
Little gallows humour "Pop goes that one gun weeb!"
In the credits, the last seen

Hey, Mr. Martyr (hold it)
Could you please calm your tits (yeah)?
You're always madly volunteerin'
The wrong constant in life (uh-huh)
Hey, Mr. Martyr (hold it)
Are you just here for kicks (stop it)?
Some real live-action gamin' action (shoot me)?
News flash: here there's one life (sorry)
Hey, Mr. Martyr (hmm, mmm-hmm)
I think you should be kicked ('tude is troublin')
Keep demandin' we start sendin' (troublin' stuff)
You to battle, yeah, right (chyeah)
Hey, Mr. Martyr (are you hearin' anything that I say, you twerp?)
You may think you're hot shit (so convinced you're elite, haven't shown any worth)
Real good at blastin' online bastards (sure, that's a lot of pressure, but none that matters, twerp)
Doesn't translate here, right (there's no way to grind up your lives)
Gimme one more "Send me out!" line, I'll end your martyr scheme
You'll be scrubbin' out toilets 'til we all fin'lly leave
Gimme one more "Send me out!" line, I'll end your martyr scheme

I almost looked up some Full Metal Jacket quotes to put here, but then I remembered that R. Lee Ermey's character was meant to be a kinda crap drill instructor and I don't like perpetuating misconceptions.

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