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Song Parodies -> "A Constant Chew"

Original Song Title:

"Because of You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Kelly Clarkson

Parody Song Title:

"A Constant Chew"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

When it comes to bad cooks, each one has their flavour, badumtish. Can you guess what style this cook is?
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

After the wait
Your food is never worth it, I
Didn't know that "well
Done" could apply to celery
My teeth might break
If I "dig in", this is so hard
This is my hot take:
When soup goes "crunch", you've gone too far

A constant chew
Each time you make food, this is just so wrong
A constant chew
I swear it takes triple the time for each mouthful, hurts
A constant chew (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Ruining ev'ry chunk of lamb or beef, I didn't ask for jerky
A constant chew (ooh)
It's such a pain

It's not just steak
That takes far too long for my teeth to break down
It's ev'ry type
Of foodstuff that you've ever served, that's right
Fruit, veg and cake
But they won't crack, no snap sound or the like
Can't polish off the whole plate
When the first mouthful's so hard to start with

A constant chew
You swear you've made something that's far more soft
A constant chew
It's still the same, with ev'ry bite bringing on more hurt
A constant chew (ooh-ooh-ooh)
I wish I could give up, but you're clearly trying your best, clear to me
A constant chew (ooh)
It's such a pain

Must say that I'm a tad surprised ev'ry time it's post-tea
(A tad surprised each post-tea)
And there's not one toffee, they'd go very well with your strengths, see
(Those chewy ones make the most sense, you see)
Your desserts all work my jaw like hell, but they'd be okay
(I do like toffee, yeah-eah)
I ask you why and your singular reply: "I can't stand those things"?

A constant chew
Would be so great, at toffees you would rock
A constant chew
I'd spend all day chewing 'til my jaw no longer hurts
A constant chew
That would be awesome, you'd make the best of those things
A constant chew
I can't work out why, to you, they're the worst sin
A constant chew (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Such a strain on the mind and also my teeth
A constant chew (ooh)
It's such a pain

A constant chew, ha-ah-ah-ah-ah
A constant chew, mmm-mmm-mmm, ooh-ooh-ooh

That's right, everything's under-seasoned! Wait...

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