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Song Parodies -> "Hot N Old (A Cougar's Anthem)"

Original Song Title:

"Hot N Cold"

Original Performer:

Katy Perry

Parody Song Title:

"Hot N Old (A Cougar's Anthem)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Think I’m fine
Though I’m fif-ty years old
Yeah, they
Will say yes
‘Cause I’m rich
And it shows

You might,
Think I dress
When I troll
For guys younger than me!

‘Cause I’m hot, though I’m old
Young men can’t say no
I primp and I pout
And stick my boobs out
Go clubbin’ all night
In leopard skin tights
Frat guys pick me up
Admirin’ my cups

My ex-husband doesn’t know, oh
Where all the alimony go-oes

‘Cause I’m hot, though I’m old
I’m brash and I’m bold
The college girls hate
How I steal their dates

The alarm
I’ve got twins
On my arm
My TUM-my tuck gets
Guys much fast-
-ER than charm

You can laugh
If you want
As my TAL-ents I flaunt
‘Cause you think
This Cougar’s just deranged

But I’m hot, though I’m old
The guys tell me so
Get men half my age
My needs to assuage
My lipstick’s too bright
My dress is too tight
Don’t care if it fits
If numbers it gets

Demi Moore became my I-dol
When, snagging Ashton, she went Bri-dal

I’m hot, though I’m old
But don’t try to scold
‘Cause there’s nothing wrong
With my granny thong


Can’t help that I hunger
For the ones who are decades younger
Set up with someone older
Find they’re not my type

Think I’m fine
Though I’m fif-ty years old

‘Cause I’m hot, though I’m old
Young bucks love my dough
They nibble my ear
I pay for their beer
You say, “It ain’t right!”
But don’t pick a fight
I desperately flirt
But no-one gets hurt

I’m hot and I’m old
A sight to be-hold
I know what you think
My mind’s on the brink
And you might be right
But watch me to-night
You’ll see it’s not hard
To fill my dance card

You would never, ever say so
But you’re just jealous of my mo-jo

I’m hot and I’m old
Teach you what I know?
Well rule number one
Let go of my son…

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 38

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   4
 5   34

User Comments

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Matthias - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Goofy, Sexy, and Demented all rolled into one. With lines like, "Cause there’s nothing wrong/ With my granny thong" and the ending and all together one of my current favorite songs (Which actually gives me an idea for the current Ages round so thanks for that)
Ash - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
This is about a million times better than the original...and I love the original. SO funny and Hot...just like you!
Silver Power - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
probably the best Hot n Cold parody I've read. How do you do it? 5s.
littleCougaress - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Lady Arwen, this one does Cooooo . . .
2Eagle - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Have you seen Raquel Welch lately? It's hard to believe she just turned 70.
alvin - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
you go job
Invisible Boy - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
See what you have to look forward too...
Michael Pacholek - March 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Nice kitty. Very nice kitty. Don't worry, that's as far as I'm taking the feline metaphor.
Christie Marie M - March 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Very hilarious and creative, Arwen! I remembered two years back I went out with a divorced man in his early 30s and later dumped me for a woman in her 50s and gotten married. You know what's weird? As a teenager, I was always attracted to older men, now that I'm 28, I'm now attracted to men who are younger than me. I don't know why. Anyways, I remembered watching this sitcom Living With Fran where Fran Drescher plays a single mother who has a boyfriend in his 20s. Cougars and cradle robbers are my fave subjects. I really enjoyed your parody! 555.
Arwen - March 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Matty...=) Thanks very much!

Ash...I'm glad you didn't say that it was Old like me. ; ) Thanks!

Silver Power...well thanks. Honestly...that's a great compliment...=) As for how I do it...don't ask me...I can't explain half of the things I do...; )

LittleCougaress...thanks! I only hope the Cougar in your name has nothing to do with the BYU Cougars, or I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to be friends. I'm pretty sure when I'm really hot and old, that I'm going to have to find another referring to myself as a Cougar would be too painful. ; )

2Eagle...You know, I was supposed to have lunch with her last week, but she canceled on me. Hag. ; )


IB...I only hope I can still see when I become the hot granny I'm destined to be.

MP...hee hee. Thanks!

Christie MM...Oh isn't that just the breaks? I also dated older men when I was younger...and find myself with younger men now...(though I'm not THAT old...sheesh)...I don't know why that happens with some people. =)
Jeff Reuben - April 01, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Funny song, but why do you need the ex's alimony with all those hot young boys paying for you? :)
kevin - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
puts the original song to shame this one should be played on the radio instead
Mark Scotti - April 09, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM comment. Really funny, Arwen. Great entry for this month!!!
Silver Power - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
[SOTM] See above - Crap, I was hoping I wouldn't have to compete against this song for SOTM..
Max Power - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Most of the time they're MILF or GILF
malcolm higgins - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
as a former cougar lover, ( I was 18 she was 40 we lived together for over a year) I agree this is SOTM material.
Peter Andersson - April 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Not only will it be hard to topple this in SOTM but I think (fear?) that it will go high in next SOTY as well. Every single line, and I mean EVERY SINGLE LINE, was a LOL or took the story forward to the next even bigger LOL!
Matthias - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
In a few years Katy Perry will be a cougar. This one was amazing, and I haven't seen anybody especially you do a parody about this topic. Red Ant's "Milf!" comes close but this one was a lot more suttle and great because of that.
Claude Prez - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
"Young bucks love my dough" and "went bridal" are just a couple faves; it's really TMGLTM though. Great job.
Below Average Dave - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
This was overall very funny Arwen, though the last line left me a tad scratching my head. Funny-I think this should be Madonna's theme song. . . though lately I'm seeing more and more of the rocking the cradle syndrome.
Phil Alexander - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Brilliant, Arwen :-D I can't wait for the video...
Arwen - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment, that's the catch...I have to pay for the young guys. Or they'd be outta here! ; )

Kevin...=) Thanks very much!

Mark...Thanks a ton!!

Silver Power...Oh! Well that is a huge compliment! Thanks!

Max...hee hee... Thanks!

K1...well, will the flattery ever end? Thank you SO much!

Matty...=) Thanks very much!


BA Dave...thanks...glad you liked it...though I'm sorry you were confused by the ending. =(

Phil...brilliant is one of my favorite words. =) Thanks! And when the video comes out, you'll be the first to know. ; )
bobpiecheese - April 29, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I hate the OS due to the overexposure on the radio, but at least that allows me to say that the pacing was tight as hell! Kinda creepy, but still funny in its own way. 555 for you!
MysteryGoat - December 23, 2009 - Report this comment
I hate Katey Perry but dude that was funny!
Mark Scotti - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) One of my favs from last year!
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) I lol'd throghout this, the great lines were PUNC-tuated BY Perry's STUP-id short lines.
DJ Blaze - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Not bad, and to one of the most overplayed OSes ever. 555
Below Average Dave - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
See above (I like that the SOTY consists mostly of songs fresh in my head, I still re-listen--but its nice to already now what to expect.
Invisible Boy - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Still love it. Cougars, MILFs, it's all good...
EmiLoca - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Okay. Auto-fave. This is NOT AN EASY SONG TO PARODY and you absolutely nailed it. Especially fitting since your 70th birthday is coming up! ;D This was awesome.

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