I ate too many beans today
(pants squeak)
I need to use the potty, can't stay
(pants squeak)
I'm sorry I have to, ruin our date
(pants squeak)
Just let me go now, I'll be back late
(pants squeak)

No time, I'm outta of this line
Just gotta go now girl
Lentils are not what you had
Soon I might have to hurl
Cheese burrito, true
I'm gonna have to move
Before I get the truth
So just stay here, I'm due
For a date with the bathroom

So you take the rolls
And you grab a couple more
And all the toilet paper
Rolls across the floor
Said the air is thick, it's smelling ripe
So try the door on the left, try the one on the right

You don't get it, this isn't the way
(gotta take a leak)
I'd usually behave on a beautiful date
(gotta take a leak)
I just had to mention, before I turn gray
(gotta take a leak)
Don't try to stop me, I'm a constipate

Go, just sound alarm
Get everyone out, girl
Run and move, don't be calm
This is, the time you should scream
Trees and bushes by me
You gotta pay the bill
I won't be back it's true
It's nasty, what I'm going through

So I grab Febreeze™
And I spray it some more
Search for a toilet
In this giant of a store
Said need a map, stomach's tight
So I race to the left, and race to the right

Be really quick now, run away
(Aren't I cheap)
I don't have time for this, my patient babe
(Aren't I cheap)
I'll be inside there until the future May
(Aren't I cheap)
I'm gonna use this line, so you hafta pay

Go and crap, boy
I can't talk now, it's an internal storm
Go and crap, boy
I'll meet you later when I'm in the norm
Go and crap, boy
Get your cash, cuz I'll be really long
Go and crap, boy
The bill will be paid by the end of this song

So this is what you came for?
No, I was here for you
And you know this is where there's no more
Romancing with you
I'm searching forever more
For a proper bathroom
If hope is here in this store, girl

I won't be out anytime today
(I'm a freak)
I'll be stuck in the boy's room,and you'll have to pay
(I'm a creep)
I didn't mention, this part of the date
(Why didn't you see)
I'm gonna stiff you
And it'll be okay

Holy crap, boy
If I don't go now, there will be some harm
Holy crap, boy
The entire town will be up in arms
Holy crap, boy
I need to hurry up, cuz I feel it comin' on
Holy crap, boy
You'll be paying the bill, by the end of this song

I ate too much bleu cheese today
(It's a guy thing)
I need to use the potty, and I can't stay
(It's a guy thing)
I'm not sorry I have to, ruin our date
(It's a guy thing)
I'm gonna go now, I'll be back late
(It's a guy thing)

Are you angry at me?
It's just a guy thing
And I bet
I bet that you'll be forking it over by the end of this song