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Song Parodies -> "Love Does Cost Something"

Original Song Title:

"Love Don't Cost A Thing"

Original Performer:

Jennifer Lopez

Parody Song Title:

"Love Does Cost Something"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The 3rd Time I Posted This Song... The 1st time I forgot to check the little box allowing comments, the 2nd time Dave bombed me, because my grammar, and hopefully this time it's perfect, at least perfect enough.
Think you’ll buy me with some fives
You’re wrong
You want a piece of this fine ass
And thong
Sorry if you are broke
My love does cost something

Think you’re going to screw for tens
Get lost
If you want some fun it’s gonna cost
If you give me some Coke
I’ll treat you like a King

You told all your friends you’re getting laid
By the fine dancer at the ballet
But that sexy dame said, “You’re too fugly!”
While she made you peeved
I thought to myself “Cha-ching!”
Didn’t have to be much of a sleuth
I strolled to your car and said, “My name’s Ruth
If you want some sex
And you got the dough
Then let me in, let’s bring this show back to your home”

Pull your wallet out
And pay me for the night
I need lots of ritzy things
Your money will buy, yeah

Try to look all good and nice
You won’t get this babe without cash
In bed
Go and take off your clothes
I’ll lay you for some green

Got dumped by your girlfriends
That sucks
But I’ll suck if you pay me some bucks
And you’re the horniest bloke
That I have ever seen

I don’t work for beer
Get that through your head
And no credit cards, they won’t work here
I’m a pay by the minute whore
And your minute’s through, as soon as I got in your drawers
That just sucks for you, barely made me squeal
And penis size well it ain’t ideal
You give me spare change, what a waste of time
You’re an easy man to please
Only spent a dime

Wanna go again?
(From that look you just might)
Cause my Pimp will be so pissed
If I bring him dimes, yeah

If you want to haggle price
F*ck Off!
Don’t you b*tch about my ash
Or cough
If you can’t handle smoke
Go find a different fling

Sign me checks with your ink pens
That’s good
I’ll just go and cash them in the hood
And if you’re all alone
My Love Does Cost Something


Yeah, yeah

I want your money from the bank
Cause I’m just not some slutty skank
(Some slutty skank)
Get me inside of your car
You’ve got me in your car so I can get it hard
But if you flunk just like last time
In the sex test I gave to you
That’s the last chance I’ll give you dude
But if you play it smart I won’t need to depart

Shrunken like it’s just been iced
I’m bored
Or if you’re feeling really smashed
My Lord
Any kinda rich folk
I’ll go down on your thing

If sex-life is with hens
That’s weird
No, I won’t do it in the ear!
You must think I’m a joke
Go get a different dame

If you want to have a tryst
That’s fine
I could really go for dinner and
Some wine
You’re an old fashioned dope
Brought flowers and a vase

If you’re frisky with your hands
As long as you are going to pay
I will give you a stroke
If you know what I mean

Don’t worry I don’t have lice
No more
And even though you smell like trash
Though your stench makes me choke
My costly love I’ll bring

If you want to see these cans
My man
Cause they don’t make ‘em like this in Japan
I am not like J-Lo
My Love Does Cost Something!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   13

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
I swear this is the last post of this song I'm going to do... There's something about J-Lo that gets me distracted from the song and wants to watch the video with her stripping down to nothing instead... Sorry, It's a very sexy video. I hope I won't get 1-bombed today.
Agrimorfee - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Restoring my 555. Sorry I can't repeat the creative comments that I posted originally...but again, you'll get 1-bombed by the angry JLo fans, not by the folks who care about parody-crafting.
2Eagle - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm not a JLo fan, but I find this just plain offensive.
Matthias - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
My friend who was once a prostitute thought that this was hilarious, and he wasn't offended, so I don't know what you have done in your past 2Eagle, but if an ex-prostitute thinks that this was funny, and not offensive than I don't know why you would, and why can't risky humor be appreciated?
John Barry - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
A veritable odyssey of vice.
Peter Andersson - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
The pacing might not be fully erect but... :-)
Max Power - April 18, 2008 - Report this comment
bobpiecheese - April 20, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Offensive? I just see it as turning the original song on it's head - and I love that! Excellent work here, Matty, have $555 (is it enough?)!
Rex - April 23, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) A little raw for my tastes but well done as always.
Below Average Dave - April 24, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I don't have a problem with risky humor Matty, something about this one was odd, it read kinda weird for me, to be honest though--most of the parodies in this round have so far, so it's not just yours. A couple of good lines, and you took my grammar advice, but it still just reads kinda off for me, solid idea though. . .
Invisible Boy - April 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Geeze...I'm a little torn here. It's a well written parody to a tough OS, and it's a good idea too.
It's not that I'm opposed to risque humor, or even writing about prostitution. I've done it myself.
I guess I'm just thinking that it's better to "allude" to the details and tease the reader than to come right out with them (and I'm sure you can find examples of things I've written where I'm guilty as well) There's a point where this sounds sort of mean and mysogynous. And then it turns out that it's not J-Lo your bashing...which means, who is getting bashed here?
I hope we know each other well enough by now that these comments won't offend you.

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