Villain's castle, in it, I will sneak
It should be difficult, well, in theory
But all the guards have less brains than a flea
I bang my shin and curse a lot
Their reaction, I shit you not:

"Calm down, dude, I'm sure it's nothin'
Nothin' that's worth looking into, Jim
Sounds like some intruder's cussin'
But I know that it ain't, I'm sure that it's the wind"

I've no camouflage, but they don't look my way
Steal their uniform, they say "okay"
Hide in plain sight, throw rocks at their face
They think that I am a racoon
And search the wrong direction, dude

I make a cat noise, then they look for me
I trip a mine, they don't blink an eye
I bet they work for free

They still say "Dude, I'm sure it's nothin'
The manual says nothin' 'bout this, Bob
And it can't be someone walkin'
Because we're highly-trained, no-one would be that dumb"

I walk up to them, say "It's nothin'"
They think I'm a guard, boy, they are dim
Uniform's too big, I'm swimmin'
And yet for some reason, they cannot tell the diff'

Ooh, these guards sure are somethin'
Ooh, make lots of noise cussin'
Ooh, keep sayin' I'm nothin'
Ooh, these guards sure are somethin'

Ooh, I make a noise, nothin'
Ooh, I palm their guns, nothin'
Ooh, I kill a guard, nothin'
Ooh, they hear a mouse, somethin'

They say it's nothin' when their cameras go dim
They say it's nothin' when their boss cries out "Get him!"

[under previous two lines]
(Ooh, keep sayin' I'm nothin
Ooh, these guards sure are somethin'
Ooh, keep sayin' I'm nothin'
Ooh, these guards sure are somethin')

Ooh, palm their wallets, nothin'
Ooh, give 'em wedgies, nothin'
Ooh, save the princess, nothin'
Ooh, hear a twig snap, somethin'
Ooh, these guards sure are somethin'