There's a chicken wing pie before me
Took some time to prepare
Sending it to the contest
Another one from me
Working to send more most every day (most every day)
Just what I'll make, no one can say
Or what shape or filling it might be
Here's another pie from me

I hurry up, it's a race
Before the contest is concluded
Baking with hot dogs and hay
Topping with puppy chow

Time is up, I came in last
But I'll keep testing pies on you
I know next time I'm gonna win
But those judges say "not again"

No more pies
Hear our cries
We despise
All your pies
We've found flies
In your pies
There's no prize
For your pies

They're all jealous 'cause I'm able
To make pies from bark and brine
The prize will soon come to me
But they just don't know it yet
And you don't need a warning
About my ingredients
There's nothing you can die from
Except perhaps the glue

I bake 'em fast with lots of cheer
Bermuda grass and everclear
So place your bets, the time is here
I hear the judges groan

No more pies
Why oh why
Do you try
Baking pies
We could die
If we try
Just one bite
Of your pies

[instrumental break while I bake another pie]

Some furry lime, scoop of clay
A spray of mace with no dilution
There's no way I'll lose today
No one can stop me now

Time is up, I came in last
Perhaps the filling needs shampoo
I tell them that I'll try again
They tell me that this is the end

No more pies
Are you high
When you try
Making pies
No surprise
Catfish eyes
In your pies
So we lie
Here's your prize
Now goodbye
No more pies!