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Song Parodies -> "Redneck Wizard"

Original Song Title:

"Redneck Woman"

Original Performer:

Gretchen Wilson

Parody Song Title:

"Redneck Wizard"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Reuben

The Lyrics

For Joyce...
I don't do Pinot
Not the Chardonay type
But I can chug a case of beer
And play D and D all night
In the basement inside my momma's house
Or at a NASCAR race tailgate
I've got posters on my wall of Gandolf, Dale and Snape
Don't call me a hayseed cause
I'm no medieval dip
I'll cast a spell to make yer buttcheeks swell
Till you have to let one rip!

Cause I'm a redneck wizard
Mullet and my mage hat
I'm strictly business on the front side
A mystic party in the back
And at night my friends and I go dragon tipping on my farm
And I can woo my cousin with an invocation charm
So if you hitch a trailer to your souped up Phantom Steed
You might cast spells from the east boondocks school of sorcery

Cure Wounds?! (Cure Ham!)

Moet Dom Perignon
Now that's some fine wine
Oh but I bewitched my milking cow: so that now she makes moonshine!
It makes me tipsy
As a gypsy
Plus I get my buzz for free
And then I break out my own magic wand to make my wench want me
My sis thinks I'm nerdy
She calls me a big dork
But she knows I've got her back
When she fights goblins and orcs!

Cause I'm a redneck wizard
In robes and overalls
I got a wand rack on my pickup
I yell "Abraca-YEEHAW!"
Weave enchantments helping Gordon, and curse Kyle Busch to hell
And I know all the words to every Harry Potter spell
If changing into camo means invisibility
You might cast spells from the back-country school of sorcery

Charm hick! (Charm hick!)

I'm a redneck wizard
I ain't no high class bard
And I store all my magic potions
In a crystal mason jar
And I patch my robe with duct tape, start my grill with lightning bursts
I'll fill your pond with snakeheads with an evil warlock curse
If your broomstick has mudflaps, if your gun is a portkey
You might cast spells from the West Virginia school of sorcery

Phase Barn! (Phase Barn!)
Hold Boob! (Hold Boob!)
Kill Road! (Road Kill!)

I said "Git er done!"

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   25

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - May 27, 2009 - Report this comment
This was a crazy cross-cultured parody! I loved it!!! Especially the part about having the cow give moonshine instead of milk, that was classic. "Abraca-YEEHAW!"
alvin - May 27, 2009 - Report this comment
weird worlds collide....great
Leo Keough - May 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Superb nonlinear humor!!!!!.....555!!!!!
Arwen - May 27, 2009 - Report this comment
SO funny, Jeffy! I'm dying over here! Too many great lines to even mention...but this was over the top great!!
norCALVotrix - May 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Lord Jeffery, loved the W-V school o' OutSourcery ! !
Laurie Alexander - May 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Wonderful as usual. And, thanks for the nod to know how much this NY Yankee fan loves country music!!!
Peter Andersson - May 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Well, thirteen is a magic number and there were thirteen confederate states, weren't there?
Christie Marie M - May 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Jeff, I'm a few days overdue at leaving comments in your parodies! Magically hilarious parody you wrote! 555 waves of the magic wand!!
Cody Slusher - June 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Pretty good. Funny.
Cindy - June 01, 2009 - Report this comment
I love it! "Abraca-YEEHAW!" shall be my new catch-phrase.
Silver Power - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Great parody, though I DKTOS, I thought it was funny. 5s for you.
Mark Scotti - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM: LOL, Jeff! Tarnation, dat was guyd...
Abbott Skelding - June 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Very Nice, the pacing seemed a little off in the chorus, but that is a very nice combination or wizards and rednecks!!
NorCALdiva - June 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Lord Jeffry, " please pour that Pinot, that you know so well . . . "
Agrimorfee - June 12, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It;s like Larry the Cable Guy collaborating with JK Rowling! very very funny, Jeff!
Ash - June 17, 2009 - Report this comment
"Curse Kyle Bush right to hell?" "Abraca-YEEHAW!" "If Changing into camo means invisibility?" I am frigging DYING!! This might be my new favorite!
Peter Andersson - June 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Who's the guy in the video, Al Bundy? ;-)
Chris Bodily TM - June 23, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) While I didn't get all the references (Kyle Busch? Pinot?)), you are guilty of assault with a deadly lyric! You get fives just for fusing redneck culture with fantasy-nerd culture! This is like Tolkien's unfinished work being handed over to Jeff Foxworthy!
Jeff Reuben - June 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks Chris: Kyle Busch...NASCAR driver. Pinot (Nori or Grigio)
LadyNorCAL - June 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Dear UncleNASCAR, here's a (( x )) for luck this weekend on the track, Sir !
bobpiecheese - June 29, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Rednecks + wizards = hilarious, it seems. "Hold Boob" was a riot, among many other great lines. Vote 555!
Arwen - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM...still love this one, Jeff...especially the video!
EmiLoca - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Finally get around to commenting on this and you're a freakin' YouTube star. Reading the lyrics makes this seem all the more absurd and hilarious. :-D If anyone hasn't seen the video, stop what you are doing right now and check it out (unless you are currently watching the video).
Phil Alexander - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Thought I'd left a comment on this one first time around - marvellous stuff as usual, Jeff. Especially "Abraca-YEEHAW!" :-)
Invisible Boy - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
A fantastic Redneck/Potter smash.
I'm planning on giving copies of your youtube video to my closest friends this Christmas.
Wasn't there a "uber-tuber" (or something like that) in one of the HP books? I think there's a joke there somewhere...
Below Average Dave - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This is still one of my alltime favs for you--which is saying a lot since I love pretty much every recording you've done (except Santa Stole Our Toys because that sounded too painful on your voice (that song had me thinking you had killed your vocals)) and to a song I disdain, which there are not a lot of, so kudos, big time 5s here
Mark Scotti - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) I cipher'd through this one agin'
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Abracabray'all!
Arwen - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTY...still...still love this, Jeff.
meredith - March 13, 2010 - Report this comment
email me at because i need alot of charms and how to be a wizard
EmiLoca - April 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Jeff, see above. :)
Meredith, back off.
DJ Blaze - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
OMG. This was awexome. Seeing as I'm from the south and I am a huge fantasy nerd, I can somewhat relate to this. 555
Below Average Dave - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Dannit Jeff, how am I going to rate all your songs, they are all so good. . .
Invisible Boy - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
still love it...see above
AshLNew - July 30, 2010 - Report this comment
This was so hilarious, I laughed when reading it! I loved it!

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