I don't do Pinot
Not the Chardonay type
But I can chug a case of beer
And play D and D all night
In the basement inside my momma's house
Or at a NASCAR race tailgate
I've got posters on my wall of Gandolf, Dale and Snape
Don't call me a hayseed cause
I'm no medieval dip
I'll cast a spell to make yer buttcheeks swell
Till you have to let one rip!

Cause I'm a redneck wizard
Mullet and my mage hat
I'm strictly business on the front side
A mystic party in the back
And at night my friends and I go dragon tipping on my farm
And I can woo my cousin with an invocation charm
So if you hitch a trailer to your souped up Phantom Steed
You might cast spells from the east boondocks school of sorcery

Cure Wounds?! (Cure Ham!)

Moet Dom Perignon
Now that's some fine wine
Oh but I bewitched my milking cow: so that now she makes moonshine!
It makes me tipsy
As a gypsy
Plus I get my buzz for free
And then I break out my own magic wand to make my wench want me
My sis thinks I'm nerdy
She calls me a big dork
But she knows I've got her back
When she fights goblins and orcs!

Cause I'm a redneck wizard
In robes and overalls
I got a wand rack on my pickup
I yell "Abraca-YEEHAW!"
Weave enchantments helping Gordon, and curse Kyle Busch to hell
And I know all the words to every Harry Potter spell
If changing into camo means invisibility
You might cast spells from the back-country school of sorcery

Charm hick! (Charm hick!)

I'm a redneck wizard
I ain't no high class bard
And I store all my magic potions
In a crystal mason jar
And I patch my robe with duct tape, start my grill with lightning bursts
I'll fill your pond with snakeheads with an evil warlock curse
If your broomstick has mudflaps, if your gun is a portkey
You might cast spells from the West Virginia school of sorcery

Phase Barn! (Phase Barn!)
Hold Boob! (Hold Boob!)
Kill Road! (Road Kill!)

I said "Git er done!"