When I came home today,
It was f**ked up by that stupid big dog
His name is Beethoven
I keep getting pissed at that dumb dog

That dog messed up my bedsheets
That St. Bernard had made me scream
He peed on my feet
And he's the only dog in my own house

I hate that dog
I hate that dog
I hate that dog
I hate that...

My wife and kids wanted Beethoven so badly
But they know damn well we're a goldfish family
Sometimes, I wish I'd kick the shit outta that dog
That dog is like a hog

Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no, oooh-no,
We just...can't have...a dog

Beethoven steals my food
And he chews up every pair of pants
He's lazy and rude
Every single night, I chain that dog

He turned on the hose,
And it made my pajamas all wet
I hate his snotty nose,
And I really hate the way his ass smells bad

I hate that dog
I hate that dog
I hate that dog
I hate that...

My wife and kids really put pressure on me
They all know that I'm stuck with OCD
Sometimes, I wish I'd put the dog right to the pound
He's a misbehaved hound

Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no, oooh-no,
oh-no, oh-no

I hate that dog
I hate that.....

I sat down on the street
Cause that St. Bernard had made me scream
Can't get on my feet
I don't know what to do about my dog....

My wife and kids don't think very much about me
Cause all they care about is trying to change me
Sometimes, I wish I could get rid of that dog
That dog is like a hog....