(1.Trip To Transylvania)
Something that just seemed like fun
A trip to Transylvania
A survival run while avoiding bugs
Nothing to be frightened of
Dracula is just a myth
Only real bats fly, vampires go to hell!
It’s stuff they all sell
For goth teens to commiserate with

And so on ‘Twilight’ I spit phlegm
That just doesn’t scare me, Clem!
This is what I perceive
I don’t believe in them!

Don’t need a strong garlic fix
Nor a sacred crucifix
In midnight gloom,”just give me the broom,”
My buddy Otto starts to say
Sweeps leaves from inside our tent
Then says, “Hey, it’s time we spent
A skinny dip
Dude, don’t be a drip
Come on, let’s go swim, do a strip!”

In the moonlight there will be
Nothing much for us to see
And vampires are make believe
There’s nothing there to see!


(2. Fearing The Undead)
As we trod the musty earth
See the grungy spots
In the cemetery, we walk amongst the plots
Say Otto, hear a wolf cry?

He says, “Hope it’s all the wind, yes”
But that’s so lame
And suddenly my heart doesn’t beat too tame
It’s beating double time

Really, in my head
I start thinking about Bela Lugosi
Signs are pointing to doom here
Right now feeling jammed
Lost passion for skinny-dipping today
Otto doesn’t seem to care

“I need to go pee-pee”
It’s the nature’s call
So Otto swims to shore
And he starts to crawl
And I stand in loneliness

I don’t worry much
Then I get quite concerned
That Otto’s potty break
Is now way past it’s turn
It should be a minute or less

Is it in my head,
With the thoughts of some cheap horror movie?
Why misleading night sounds here?
Nerves are getting crammed
Lost Otto, you filthy bastard goofy--
You seem to have disappeared…

BOO!

(3. I’m So Scared)
What’s that there?! Don’t look, don’t!
What’s that there?! Don’t look, don’t!
What’s that there, in the moon glare?!

Not a bear, ain’t no joke!
Not a bear, ain’t no joke!
Not a bear, standing right there!!

Fangs are bared, oh god no!
Fangs are bared, oh god no!
Fangs are bared, get out of here!!

I’m so scared, it’s The Count!
I’m so scared, it’s The Count!
I’m so scared, that’s him right there!


I’M SO SCAAAAARRREDDDD!!!!!….

It’s a vampire, holy shit!
Wants to see my neck get bit
It’s survival time, now get brave!
Or he’ll send me to his grave!
Wish I had phone to call police!
So exit stage right and run due east!
I neeed a cross and a bible, too!
This trip in Transylvania

They aren’t make believe
And oh God, it’s chasing me!
They aren’t make believe (is this my last goodbye?)
Now it’s chasing me
I am so scared! (ooh!ooh!ooh!)
It's not fair!! (ooh!ooh!ooh!))
Running scared!!
Will I be spared? (ooh!ooh!ooh!) (ARRRGGHH!)
Sacre merde!

(4. It Wants My Blood)
It wants my blood, and I hear it’s hissing
I can’t remember a time with so much running!
This trip’s lamented, and I’m so perturbed
Don’t want a life where I will daily get interred

Next time I travel, think I will avoid
All Eastern Europe and just visit Perth Amboy
My life was perfect, now I’m so abused
Chased by this vampire nerd, just need to cut him loose (AHH!)

(5. The Final Reel)
Must live...try not to heave
Otto died...now must save me
Must run...just run, I say!
Must try...don’t bob and weave

Now I…look behind
That vampire, he keep fucking tries
I just...keep breath in fits
A strong… ironic twist
‘Cause I run…I run to train
For the trials…of Olympics

Now I’m…running blind
That vampire he keep fucking tries
But I’m…feeling fine
Just dreaming of that Finish Line
Just make good time!!

Thank God the daylight came!
I start to sermonize
There was no grave that he could go
The Count, he was such a pain
But he’s been neutralized
Piles of ashen-white and broken…..
BONES!

I’m leaving! I’m leaving! I’m leaving! Yes I’m going home!!