Don't wanna be a Birkenhead idiot lad,
Don't wanna end every sentence with the word lad lad,
As you an see I am a plastic Scouser lad,
Well they've all invaded my bleedin' Birkenhead lad;

CHORUS:
Well come to a quaint little town lad,
Where everybody likes everybody lad,
And we like all you lot AOK lad,
But one of us may wake up tomorrow lad,
And find ourselves with Lord we gotta follow lad,
Yeah life is bleedin' borin' lad;

I know I'm not a druggie in Birkenhead lad,
Don't go to one of them dens full of smackheads lad,
And I can't stand nobody from Hoylake lad,
They make my blood boil then make my bones break lad;

CHORUS

GUITAR SOLO

Don't wanna be a Birkenhead idiot,
One large town controlled by the scousers,
If there's a dedication in this song,
It's goin' ou to idiot Birkenhead lad;

CHORUS