[The Harley stops right in front of a local McDonald's. Snicky and Mike hop off of the motorcycle and head inside, Mike leading.]

**McDonald's Cashier [Female youth, half-white, half black, very pretty]**
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

**Mike**
"Yes, ma'am. I would like two double cheeseburger meals to stay.. please."

**Cashier**
"Would you like anything to drink?"

**Mike**
"I'll have a coke."

**Snicky**
"Orange punch."

**Cashier**
"Coming right up, gentlemen."

[The cashier leaves to take care of other orders. Snicky notices a 12-year-old caucasian boy wearing a Spongebob Squarepants T-shirt waiting in line with his parents and siblings. Snicky smiles.]

**Snicky**
"That's a cool Spongebob T-shirt you're wearing, kid."

**Kid**
"Thank you, sir."

**Snicky**
## "Spongebob is one of my favorite shows on Nickelodeon right now --" ##

**Mike**
[Furious] "What the f**king [expletive] did you just say, Snicky!!??!!"

[The mother covers the boy's ears and the family storms out of the restaurant. Snicky and Mike are now the only customers left.]

**Snicky**
"What the hell was THAT all about!?! Huh!?? All I f**king said was that I like Spongebob."

**Mike**
[Stern] "That's what I thought you said..."

**Snicky**
"So...? What's wrong with Spongebob?"

[No answer. Mike continues to grin whenever he looks at, or thinks of, Snicky.]

**Snicky**
"You know, Spongebob is actually a better show than most people give it credit for. E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y sees it as the show that killed Nickelodeon, but I think that distinct belongs to the new All That more than it does Spongebob. In fact, Spongebob is almost like this generation's Rocko--"

**Mike**
"Don't say that! Don't you ever f**king say that, man!!"

[Long silence. The cashier comes back with their order.]

**Customer**
"Eight Seventy Nine."

[Mike gives the cashier a $10 bill and she gives him back $1.21 change.]

**Snicky**
"Thank you, ma'am."

[A few days later, Snicky has done what he visited New York to do, and will return home shortly. He is in his motel packing his bags.]

[A month later, Snicky is back home in Wellsville, Ohio, sitting on his big orange couch, watching, not Spongebob, but The Adventures of Pete & Pete Season One on DVD. He is watching the episode, "Hard Day's Pete" (which is the episode described in "Episode of Pete & Pete"). It is very late at night. The living room is a mess. The doorbell rings.]

**Snicky**
[Speaking loudly] "Who is it?"

**Voice**
"Mailman!"

**Snicky**
"Just a minute!"

[Snicky gets up off his couch and opens the door.]

**Mailman [who bears a striking resemblence to Artie (Toby Huss) from Pete & Pete]**
"You've got a letter. We just got it today and was told to mail it immediately."

**Snicky**
"It's Two in the morning, shouldn't you be asleep?"

**Mailman**
"Shouldn't you be asleep?"

**Snicky**
[Taking the mail] "Thank you."

**Mailman**
"You're welcome. Take care... And get some sleep, too."

**Snicky**
"Will do!"

[Snicky closes the door and reads the return address.]

[The song begins. Snicky hears Mike in this head, singing something.]

**Mike (Singing a capella)**
Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
When you axed your classics
In '01...

(Guitar riff)

[Dear S,]

**Snicky (reading Mike's letter aloud)**
Where have all the Bigheads gone?
They're the frogs on Rocko's Modern Life
The Temple Guards have vanished [1]
And Olmec's never coming back [1]
Where's the Good Burgers along with the fries? [2]

Where have all the riots gone
As the First Kids' Network gets pulverized?
Fell in love with Classic Nick
Where's your birth certificate?
To prove to me that you're the Classic Nick!

We punk rockers are distortionists
And Nick don't even know that we exist
The Nick that we all loved has died
You better run for your f**king life

It's not over 'till the vandal's found
It's not over to bring back Old Nick
Nick's really dying
But I'm not crying
It's not over to bring back Old Nick
There's no more of the Nick Rewind

Where did all the martyrs go when the channel killed itself?
Why not do something before it's too late?

(Guitar solo with a vocal ad-lib toward the end of it)

You're not the Classic Nickelodeon
The St. Snicky is a figment of
Your father's beer and your mother's mind
Dismissed by Nicke-f**king-lodeon

It's not over 'till Nick Gas is gone [3]
And no other channel is in place
Nick's really dying
Nobody's crying
There is no more Crapelodeon

**Snicky (Aside from the letter)**
Current Nick can't take my place
I'm kicking its behind

Well Mike said, "I can't take this s**t
I'm not your friend tonight"

[-- M]