[Snicky is trying to think of a place that would sell spray paint.]

**Snicky**
[Talking to himself] "I know the Hello Deli is out of the question. Rupert Jee wouldn't sell spray paint even if Letterman told him to. And.. duh... it's in the title. Let's see... You're a punk, you want to deface public property, where do ya go?"

[Another youth/teen/twentysomething has just stepped out of Nickelodeon's offices. He actually works for Nick, judging by his "Hi My Name Is Ug Lee." He looks an awful lot like Johnny Rotten or Sid Vicious.]

**Ug Lee**
[Talking quietly so that a third party won't hear their conversation.] "If you're looking for graffiti spray paint, go to Stuff Sucks. They have the best in all your graffiti needs. It's located at 2112 Broadway. It's not too far from CBGB. I'll zip you over if you need."

**Snicky**
"Sure. Thank you.... Ug... Lee. Nice name tag, cool Salute Your Shorts reference."

[Snicky and Ug hop onto Ug's Harley, with Ug in control.]

**Ug**
[Laughs] "That's not my real name, I just thought it would be funny. My real name's Mike. Michael Jackson. --"

[Snicky starts laughing hysterically!!]

**Mike**
"No... It's not what you think. I was born waaaaay before Thriller was even an idea. I'm 26, by the way. I'm turning 27 in August."

**Snicky**
"My birthday is April 1, 1979. No joke, April First."

**Mike**
"Dude, you have the same birthday as Nickelodeon. That's odd."

**Snicky**
"I am Nickelodeon. The Classic Nickelodeon."

[Fifteen minutes later, the Harley arrives at Stuff Sucks, 2112 Broadway. Snicky thanks Mike and goes into the store.]

**Store Manager [Another rebellious punk who looks to be about teenage or twentysomething.]**
"Welcome to Stuff Sucks. If you want to graffiti some [expletive]'s property, you've come to the right place."

**Snicky**
"I'm looking for some good red, orange, and green paint."

**Manager**
"Might I reccommend these ones from Graffito's Incorporated? They are absolutely the best in their class. They're the official spray-paint brand of CBGB."

**Snicky**
"Any brand is fine, really. I'll take these."

**Manager**
"That'll be eight bucks."

**Snicky**
"Eight bucks? But the f**king sign says two-fifty!"

**Manager**
"Okay, two-fifty. And good luck with defacing Nickelodeon."

**Snicky**
"How did you know?"

**Manager**
"The All That leather jacket kinda gives it away. I like it. Nick really sucks now."

**Snicky**
"Tell me about it. Thanks, man."

[Snicky leaves the store with his spray paint. He hops back onto Mike's Harley and rides away. They return to Nickelodeon's office at 1515 Broadway and go on a graffiti rampage.]

[The song begins.]

Nick's a sellout
They're insane
Who died, gave them the berth?
They endanger us,
Nick's a sellout
Benny Arnolds
I will drink to the clink
Of the Classics

From Universal
In Orlando
Owned by (bleeps) that they call
St. Viacom
Nick's the piece-a
de resistance,
Now they're just a parody of their former selves

(brief interlude)

Cloned by Disney
Not Walt Disney
The company that bears his name
Gonna imitate
Stupid pop stars
Emma Roberts
And Devon something
He plays Ned
On Declassified, and...

Nick's new shows are pollution
Thank God for the Rewind
Nick's turned to corporation
But Mr. Ernst was fine
Now, where's Amanda Bynes?

(Interlude)

Nick's new shows are pollution
Go back to '95
Big wigs are on vacation
Slow down the merchandise
Roll with the Nick Rewind

Nick's a sellout
They're insane
Air the worst shows on earth,
They'll endanger us,
Nick's a sellout
Sing my shanty
I will drink to the clink
Of the Classics

Nick's a sellout
They're insane
Where are shows from my youth?
Don't endanger us,
Nick's a Sellout
Benny Arnolds
I will drink to the clink
Of the Classics

Nick's a sellout, Nick's a sellout, Nick's a sellout
Don't endanger us
Nick's a sellout, Benny Arnolds, Nick's a sellout
Don't endanger us

[The song ends. We see graffiti such as:
New School Nick Sucks!
Bring Back the Classics!
Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts
Repairman man man man...
Thaaaaaat's Me!
Old School Nick
RIP Stick Stickly 1995 - 1998
Kenan is Superdude
Ed from Good Burger is Kel Mitchell, not Ryan Coleman
Happy Happy Joy Joy
You're looking happily deranged]

[All the other punks and rebels in the entire city have gone on a rampage. There are bonfires in which Spongebob, Fairly OddParents, Jimmy Neutron, and Avatar DVDs, merchandise, and tie-ins are being thrown and burned -- think Pink Floyd's The Wall with rebellious NYC punks.]

[Richard Vernon storms out of the Graffiti'd office, down the elevator, past the hallway out to the front of the building.]

**Richard Vernon**
[Furious] "I've had just about enough of you, Mr. Snicky! And as for you, Mr. Jackson, I can no longer call you Ug Lee! You are unfit for this name tag!! You're fired!!! And if I ever see your filthy face around here again... I'll call the f**king cops on you.. both of you... and that's an order. Sh**, what are we gonna do now?..."