(Spoken)
Look, if you had one shot, one broken sword with you
To become king of Gondor and destroy the One Ring
Would you defeat 'em, or just go back to Bree?

His sword is ready, orcs come, Ring is heavy
It's bloody on his armor already, Saruman is petty
In his fortress, But all the Uruks want no confetti
For the kin, an they keep on preparin,
For the onslaught, The orcs think that the hobbit's caught.
Rohan is ready, maybe all for naught
He's chokin', how, his sword is broken now
Can't get out, Ladder's pushed, over, ow!
Snap back to reality, Cure Frodo's malady
Oh, there goes Arwen, she spoke
He's so glad, but he won't save him that easy, no
He won't make it, he knows Elrond can heal him
It won't matter, he's dim
The hobbit's sicker that him
His job, it is so hard
When he goes back to his Gondor home, that when it's
Back to the fort again yo
This whole sh*t
He better go capture those spirits and hope they don't 'tack him

(Chorus)
You better gird yourself for the fight, 'gainst Sauron
You moron, your little elfie has to go
You better not smoke pot, Pipe weed hurts your head to blow
This kinda movie comes once in a lifetime

You better gird yourself for the fight, 'gainst Sauron
You moron, your little elfie has to go
You better not smoke pot, Pipe weed hurts your head to blow
This kinda movie comes once in a lifetime

The orcs are attacking but it ain't no good tracking
This ain't no time to be macking
Make him king as he moves forward, to his Lordom
An elven wife is boring but Eowyn pretends to be Dernhelm
It only gets harder, volcano gets hotter
She knows she can't have him, These trolls is all on him
Roast and toast those, Arathorn was his father
Down these roads, God only knows
What goes on in his dome. He's no martyr
When the company breaks up, it's "Oh Brother!"
But he's the king, cuz there just ain't no other.
The Nazgul don't scare him no mo, he's no hobbit.
They move on to the next king who sings
That he's the oldie old rider
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose we fight partner, and the war goes on
'Til Frodo does his job-a

(Chorus)
You better gird yourself for the fight, 'gainst Sauron
You moron, your little elfie has to go
You better not smoke pot, Pipe weed hurts your head to blow
This kinda movie comes once in a lifetime

You better gird yourself for the fight, 'gainst Sauron
You moron, your little elfie has to go
You better not smoke pot, Pipe weed hurts your head to blow
This kinda movie comes once in a lifetime

He'll fight Lurtz, I'ma show you how much it hurts
Cut his mothaf**king head off, get blood on your shirt
They were fighting in the beginning, he lead those jerks
New he's beat up and cut up and he's quite irked
But he kept goin and kept leadin 'em as Strider
Best believe Tolkien's considered a great writer
Strider's pain amplified by the fact
That he's such a great fighter
But he will arrive at the right time with his buddies
Cuz man, these Goddamn Rohan's is fast riders
It's quite a movie with those-a black riders causin' much strife-a
And his job is so hard and it's gettin' even harder
Protect my honor, caught between bein a ranger and a monarch
Little Arwen's not in the Novel but um-uh
No sweat, she's still a hot mama
That he has got, whether elf or not
Oh yeah, this war's going on, I've got to do my job
To complete this f**king plot 'fore I end up captured or caught
Success is my only mothaf**king option, doom is not
God I love this, this trailer's got me so
I must hurry 'fore my ticket's bought
Aragorn it's your shot
Don't screw it up, This may be the only opportunity that you got

You better gird yourself for the fight, 'gainst Sauron
You moron, your little elfie has to go
You better not smoke pot, Pipe weed hurts your head to blow
This kinda movie comes once in a lifetime

You better gird yourself for the fight, 'gainst Sauron
You moron, your little elfie has to go
You better not smoke pot, Pipe weed hurts your head to blow
This kinda movie comes once in a lifetime

(Spoken) You can rule anything in Gondor, man.