Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize the perfect white smile you always wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just say "aw screw it"?

His teeth are jagged, gums weak, cavities are present
There's piss stains on them already, he's stopping traffic slow and steady
He's nervous, and he's spread out like confetti
Wants to see the dentist, but he keeps on forgettin
Now when he walks around, the town avoids him like a dead squirrel on the ground
He opens his mouth, and the odor just flows
He's choking himself, now everybody's crokin' yo...
The clock's run out, time is eating him like saurkraut
Can't face the reality, he's floating on gravity
This sucka's like a rabbit, and using toothpaste ain't a habit
He's so mad, but he won't give up candy
Is he? Uhh, yeah...
Vegetables? He won't have it , he knows all his pothead city-dopes
Won't either, but they use Scope
He'd buy some, but he's broke
He's so jacked off that anything goes
When he goes back to his shithouse home, that's when it's
Back to the safety zone yo
This whole braces thing...
He better go pay for this shit and hope for some Crest White Strips under his pillow

Who's depending on...the braces?, your face is
You gay kid, yeah, you better never let them go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to fix
your teeth cuz if you don't you'll only pick up English chicks.

The braces...your face is,
Disgraces, yeah, you better never let them go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to fix
your teeth cuz if you don't you'll only pick up English chicks.

The filth is escaping, through this big hole that's gaping
His mouth was a mine with gold for the taking
But he took a step, as he moved in to make his pitch
To the dentist he said, "These teeth suck, so come fix em' bitch."
They only get straighter, they only get nicer
They grow together son, they'd attract Michelle Pffeifer
Back to back years, he's been livin' in Russia
Lonely roads, God only knows...

The teeth have gotten better, but it ain't a demise
He went to the toilet and barely knew his own ass size
But hold your nose cuz here come the curly fries
He didn't want to wear braces no more, they were his biggest foe
He moved on to the next best scenario: a Spanish ho

He tried to rip out her teeth with a chainsaw
So the soap opera is told and unfolds like a shark jaw
I suppose it's a rumor, but the story goes on
Da da dum da dum da da doobie da da dinkowitz...

Who's depending on...the braces?, your face is
You gay kid, yeah, you better never let them go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to fix
your teeth cuz if you don't you'll only pick up English chicks.

The braces...your face is,
disgraces, yeah, you better never let them go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to fix
your teeth cuz if you don't you'll only pick up English chicks.

No more games, His anger rose like a mighty flame
Tear this brothertruckin roof off like Nicholas Cage
He was playin with her in the beginnin, but the whole mood changed
He was feelin' her up...he was hittin' from 3 point range
But the ho kept complainin' like a blind guy named Titus,
"Shit yo, I never screwed someone with gingivitis."
All the pain inside him amplified by the fact
That he can't get by with his simple life
And he can't provide good fun for a ho he was payin'
Cuz man, she'd rather blow the guys that Buffy was slayin'
And it's no movie, there's no Tommy Shlizzostein, this is his life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin to keep his gums from bleeding, from eatin' all them gushers
The lazyness caught up to him, being a crackhead and a non-brusher
Anyways...Consuela (the ho) is screamin' on and he couldn't cajole her...
As much as she covered his bicuspids, she still saw his molars
Stay in one spot, she thought, another jam or not

But then she got him upset to the point, he had to prevail
He had to formulate a plot before his teeth would fu*king rot
Consuela's teeth were the only option, and failure was not
"Ho, I love you, but yo' bite-ies have got to go."
He could not grow old with false teeth and some pot
So here was his shot, one more chance before hell.
But his chainsaw failed him, oops he forgot to use Duracell

Who's depending on...the braces?, your face is
You gay kid, yeah, you better never let them go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to fix
your teeth cuz if you don't you'll only pick up English chicks.

The braces?, your face is,
Disgraces, yeah, you better never let them go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to fix
your teeth cuz if you don't you'll only pick up English chicks.

You can do anything you set your mind to, just get your friggan teeth straight