Mel:

When I signed up for my own show.

It was clear to me (clear to me)

I am the one that they adore.


Dan Schneider:

You're a Nick star.

Everybody loves you.


Mel:

If I get hurt, they’ll blame you.


Dan Schneider:

But I am the one who made you.


Mel:

I thought for a little bit that i’d have fun on my show.

But whenever this guy shows up my sanity starts to go.

‘Oh but what is Dan like, is he sweet, is he a nice man?’

Oh no, he’s horrible, he acts like he loves me, but he threatens me.

Well, look at how he treats me.

"Shady, man, no, don't say that in front of the fans’

Damn, I think this is getting out of hand.

Because he’s giving me that look.

He has his eyes on my foot again.


Dan Schneider:

Mel, your feet are nice, why don’t you take them off again?


Mel:

Damn, why do you have to be such a horrible man?

‘Can he really be that bad?’ Oh yes he can.

Try asking Ariana who she feels about him.

Ask Amanda if she has been feeling alright lately.

Half of these stars are lucky if they end up like Kenan.

I know he likes to sexualize me, he makes me wear these outfits.

When I signed up for this show.

It was clear to me (clear to me)

I am the one they all adore.

Who they came to see (who they came to see)


Dan Schneider:

You’re a Nick star.

Everybody loves you. (everybody wants to watch you)


Mel:

Schneider, if I get hurt or lose my mind I will blame you.


Dan Schneider:

Don’t forget I am the one who made you.


Mel:

Working for this man is torture, he orders me around constantly.

Makes me do these embarrassing scenes.

Sorry, but what is wrong with you, man?

I have to do a scene where I do a jello pool wrestle with Miranda.

And I have to take my shoes off, he doesn’t let me write scripts for my own show.

Like he believes he can write my screenplays.

But it’s my show, what does he have that I haven’t?

Well, I can be a good writer, it’s my show, not his.

I need someone to come and save me.

Before I end up like what happened to Drake Bell.

Because it totally isn’t going to end well.

Forget this show, forget this, I want out.


Dan Schneider:

Mel, you have the wrong idea about me.

I am not trying to control you or own you.

Can’t you see I am doing this to help you?


Mel:

He is not trying to help me, he is lying to me.

He is being creepy, I really do not like him.

Man, I try hard to make a living.

I try to call my boyfriend and ask him to take me home.

But Schneider won’t let me talk to him about my problem.

So he limited the hours I have on my phone.


When I signed up to be on Nick.

It was clear to me (clear to me)

It’s my show they adore.

What the kids love to see (who the kids love to see).


Dan Schneider:

You're a Nick star.

Everybody loves you.


Mel:

Schneider, I think I really hate you.


Dan Schneider:

But I am the one who made you.

And that's why, Mel you’re a star, on a show I made.

Because without me you would be stuck in bit parts.

And you know I am the one that your show can’t do without.

I am the writer and producer, and I am the only one to help you.


Mel:

Damn, can you see how this guy acts like he owns me?

I wish to give him a beating but that wouldn’t be shown on tv.

You think that's bad? You should see how he treats others.

This will make you feel bad for liking a show that brings nostalgia.

Come on save me Jerry Trainor, I could use a hero right now.

Because I don’t wanna put my toes in my mouth.

Just to please the snake in that man’s trousers.

And they wonder why these jokes pass the censors.


Oh lord please help me, I hate him sexualizing me.

Tell me why I have to wear a maid’s outfit.

I think he’s trying to test my patience

Rest assured, I am trying my best to stop him.

Can you blame me? He makes me do this stuff on the show.

If it wasn’t for the fans who love me I would have quit weeks ago.


He’s going to make me put cake on my face.

And the way he’s behaving is a disgrace.


Dan Schneider:

Mel, don’t leave you or you’ll be making a mistake.

I will not cancel your show now, that’s not a chance i’m willing to take.


Mel:

When I signed up for a show on Nick.

It was clear to me (clear to me)

It’s my show that fans adore.

I’m the one that the kids all love to see on tv.


Dan Schneider:

You're a Nick star.

Everybody wants to see you.


Mel:

Schneider, if my life all goes wrong, my fans will blame you.


Dan Schneider:

But I am the one who made you.


Mel:

My, my personal hell now.

My, my personal hell now.

My personal hell.

This all is hell now.

This all is hell now.

Schneider’s a sicko.

A sick man, he’s a sick man, you know now.