TV Reporter: Uh-oh, this school is in big shambles!
Mayor Bottman: Holy crap, empirical data to me! Needs some big help!
To Eastside High School! Let's go!
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's showtime! Hurry, hurry, come see this!
Here he is now, the new principal, his name is [[Joe Clark!]]
You wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the town right now!
So, with no further ado, here is this man, [[Joe Clark!]]
You're gonna witness Eastside in its new pureness
Most flawless form, things extra flawless
Most strictest than any school leaders
Chip off the old block, 'cause Joe Clark is [[here!]]
Looks like baseball in its modern form
Oh no, this school's in its sharp decline!
With him, new discipline, things get stricter
Set to blow gangbangers Crips, Bloods out the big doors
Bad test scores, slums, drugs, pimps, gang members
(Pow, pow!), Yes, that will change, I'm tougher
Away from odds, ain't no fun!
Eastside is in a state of nine-one-one, so
Let's get this in top shape
I ain't got no time to play around this crisis
Must be some gangsters in here, let's chase them out there
Hey you clowns, you're just a big shiznit (Hell yeah!) (x2)
Let's fix things all up, gotta perform discipline
Gee Wilikers, Joe! Holy crazy students!
Look at all the gang folks tearing down ol' Eastside
When I'm here, time to expel all these vandalizers!
So get into school now, while I employ my tactics
You ain't even periled no more, 'cause I'm around
You ain't down, inferior's the word!
All people know it, but still everybody knows the drill.
The most lowest folks out of all those who say they are good experts
For expertise and big quackery it goes on here
Teachers sum it up, they're failing kids!
Like some drunkards, with good skills, who fail students!
It just means so lazy, to ineptness
Students, when you're failing, and you know what's that
Eastside will be new, so let's all take a big test
To seventy-five-percent now, let's go!
Now out of old times, this great big ol' high school
He, Joe Clark, why panic, you know how this goes
Who's fully capable? That's Joe Clark, himself!
Straight down on discipline, nineteen-eighty-nine!
Respect permeates, one's life that's at wake
Since me and Joan did something: Brought this school up
And never ever saw me fail, or get to throwin' tantrums
Students cheering over this man, just to praise him to help
Just to get to see a black man who's strict all the while
Ease over this school, and fix it up nice
Jesus, I knew that won't be easy!
How can one student be so left out?
Chain up the doors, gang folks won't come in!
Believe me New Jersey, and the east coast
We brought ourselves, out of the swamps, no gators!
Can't leave that alone, the school needs me
Graduation rates high and over roofs!
Into forever, no more gang folks in here!
Joe Clark ain't fooling around in there
Joe Clark (yes, sir) you weren't foolin! (Hell no!)
So, there you have it, folks
[[Joe Clark!]] has came to save Eastside!
Back with his friend Joan!
Remember that inferiority hurts bad!
Because [[Joe Clark!]] and Joan are here to stay
And never go away
Until our dying day
Until I'm old and gray [[Joe Clark!]]
So until next time folks
Same tall man, same big high school
Good night, everyone!
Thank you for coming! Your man of the hour [[Joe Clark!]]