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Song Parodies -> "Prequel to Stan...(back when he believed in Santa)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Prequel to Stan...(back when he believed in Santa)"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Stan was never the brightest candle in the chandelier - although he did somehow get to the North Pole on his own...........listen to the OS which is temporarily here
I'm freezin' cold and wondering why-y
I can't find you at all
I left my skistocks in my igloo
so I can't ski at all
and even if I could, there's stuff-all hope that
I could find your workshop door
to remind you...
I was not so bad
not so bad...

I'm freezin' cold and wondering why-y
I'm standing here at all
I gave that sasquatch all my jujubes
so I can't eat at all
and even if I could I am way too tired
to locate your workshop door
to remind you...
I was not so bad
not so bad...

Dear Santa
I wrote you with all that I wanted
I want a bike, an Xbox, and a blow-up "J-Lo" bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got em
There probably was a problem
with the Post-Igloo or somethin
Maybe putting North "Pole" looked too dodgy and they blocked em
but anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's Mrs Santa?
she must be pregnant dude
on the cards she's lookin fatter
If she has a daughter, I think you gotta call her...
y'gotta name her Merry
I heard about the Easter Bunny dude too - I'm sorry
I have a brother says he's fictional, and he's not a real bunny
I know you probably hear this everyday - but he says you're a sham
He even said there's no elves - or reindeers or Pammy An...
but how can a sham end up having a real ADDRESS, man?
coz it makes no sense it's a scam - there IS a Greenland
Anyways, I hope you get this, man
email me back - a map or plan
of your shack - up in Greenland
This is Stan

I'm freezin' cold and wondering why-y
I can't find you at all
I got my ski goggles all foggy
so I can't see at all
and where's that reindeer with his nose so bright
who could lead me to your door
just to tell you...
I was not so bad...
not so bad...

Dear Santa...
you still aint emailed - you musta had a chance
I aint mad...
I just think it's fucked up that you don't answer man
If I weren't well-behaved enough to get an still should let ME know
or your elves coulda made me a tickle-me emo
that or maybe texted man
how hard's a "ho ho ho"
I flew up to the blistering cold to you, for four days
Did I find you? no!
thats pretty shitty man, I had to stow on a jumbo
I spent eleven hours in a suitcase man
in the hold with the cargo
It weren't that hard though - those baggage downchutes are though...
remember when we met in Walmart?
you said if I was warm to my friends you might come...
see I'm just like Mrs Santa, eh
You'd say that to her ass in foreplay
with six geese a-laying, damn what's one more lay?
Oh what fun she'd be to ride in an open one-horse sleigh
see when I have a shitty day
I drift 8(hundred)mile away
coz I dont really got shit else, so I imagine you two acting deranged
I even have your likenesses on myspace/Stan homepage
One time I animated you - jingling all the way
'slike adultchannel, the sight of you's such a freakin rush for me
See I know you make that stuff for me
I respect what you done for ME and
my brother disses me just coz I looked you up in Greenland
but he don't believe in you like I do Santa - no one does
He don't know how I tried not to shout or pout...all these months
you gotta text me Santa - I'll put out the biggest carrot next time for you
Sincerely yours
P.S. I want the latest ipod too

I'm freezin' cold, I'm wondering why-y
I can't find you at all
I'm tramping thru this six foot deep snow
and I'm just five foot tall
walkin through this winter wonderland
tryna find your workshop door
to remind you...
I was not so bad...
not so bad

Dear mister I'm-too-busy-up-Mrs-Santa's-chimney!
This'll be the last year I'll be good for your ass
It's been six months and still no toys...I don't deserve it
I know you liked my last two letters
I drew Frosty the Snowdude on em, perfect
So this'll soon be on youtube of me
it's for you two to see
I'm in the garage now, and I got scissors too with me
Hey Santa - I drank a fifth of eggnog - and half a Bud light
You know that song by Bing Crosby bout that Christmas that was white
about that guy who dreamed that all his Christmases would be bright
and how the children, wait no the treetops, wait no the children, listened?
That's kinda how this is - you coulda listened and stopped me take these risks 'n
now it's too late - I got these scissors in my fists 'n
...I'm itchin'
just like the night before Christmas for Vixen...or Blitzen
I hope you know these scissors trashed those cards with your pics on
I loved you Santa - I coodna behaved much better - think about it
You ruined it now - I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
and when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your helpers NEEDLE you to watch this DVD about it
see Santa...running with scissors! it's odds-on I'll slip
Hey Santa, that mat's waitin - just up me to trip
but I didnt trip although
I'm still out of luck
whatever I do
coz if my mother sees I'll lose the scissors - and I'll get grounded too
well - coming back
I'm almost at the mat now
oh shit
now I've dropped...
scissors, uh-oh, there's the mat, OW!

{*thud*} {*scream*}.....{*brief silence*}......{*ambulance siren*}

I'm being told I have to li-ie
facedown until the fall
I got these tubes stuck to my insides
and I can't shit at all
anyway it seems there just aint no way
I'd be in your good books now
I'll just tune in...
to that new dude Slim...
new dude Slim

Dear Stan
I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You think Mrs Santa's pregnant now? - no effin way is she
look, with Dr Phil on cable she aint got time for bonkin'
but here's the xbox you're wantin'
and a snowdome from Wisconsin
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the "Pole" - I musta missed you
but don't think I had it snow intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you gonna take some risks dude?
I say that shit just clownin dogg
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some is-sues Stan - I think you need some distance
away from your bad brother who's been dissing my existence
And what's this shit about us chatting in my workshop?
don't ever join the elves man - that is like the worst job!
I really think your brother should maybe read your letter
...or maybe YOU might need to ignore 'im better
I hope you get to read this email - I just hope it reaches you in time
before you misbehave
I think that you'd BE doin' just fine
if you relax a little
I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
don't be such a flake
coz I know if you're good or bad be GOOD for goodness sake
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a coupla weeks ago that made me gasp
Some kid fell over and scissors went right up his ass
and a proctologist had to open him up, and remove 'em with his tongs
and on the floor they found his camera but they dunno what went wrong
come to think about it
it all this song


(phew) - for Matthias

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 42

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   40

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Fantastic Job, Real Stu Shady!!! Marshall would probably be pissed off (judging by the Weird Al incident), and when ever a skinny white boy from Wisconsion who thinks he can rap is pissed off.... I am happy. Somehow I knew you were going to go with "Stan" I don't know why, but I was like, yup he's going to pull out "Stan". Anyways, not in season, but beautiful nonetheless.
Jack Wilson - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED LOVED IT That RULED. Thiis is the SOTM right here. Lovefd the Tickle Me Emo nod too, Im guessing you saw that skkethc/its mention in my parody too?
Yoidy - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Very twisted and hilarious! Stantastic 5s
alvin - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
fun nostalgic look back..and you can't spell SANTA without A S-T-A-N
TJC - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Incredible job Stuart A "Pie's" worth of parody pulchritude here, with atmospheric homage to the original, dozens of LOL lines and great story progression to boot! Yo magnum opus is dope, mate!
Jack Wilson - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Stan : Oh My God! He spoofsed Santa!
Kyle : You bastard! LOL not really, just a little South Park joke...
AFW - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Great stuff...and like a novel...hilarious..
Ann Hammond - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
ho man
The Charnstar - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Whoa, you scared me for a second there. I thought YOU plagerized. But lucky this was much better! I think you should record this, 5-5-5
stuart mcarthur - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
thanks Matthias - I really wanted to do Lose Yourself coz I just love the song, but couldn't think of an idea, and I remembered how hard a time Red Ant had with it - and I did mutter your name a few times while working on it, but in a good way now ;-)

thanks Jack, and no I didn't - which one was that?

thanks yoidy and alvin

thanks TJC - but "Pie" ???

thanks AFW, Ann and The Charnstar (you're up early for an Aussie!)
Rick C - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellent all around, Stu! The rhymes were brilliant all the way through. SOTM if I ever did see one.
Cat - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Aaaargh...and I thought I had a chance this month!! But anyway, Stu, this was fabulous. Who says we can't have a little Christmas all year round? This was delightfully warped, especially the part with the scissors. And the Pie? It's American Pie, of course!
Jack Wilson - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
It was Shopping Trip ( We Gonna Shop Down To) did ya see the skit too?
TJC - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Stu, sorry... was referring to another magnum opus, Bye, Bye Miss American Pie
Red Ant - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Holy cow, this must have taken a long time to do. Excellent and unexpected rhymes, fine story telling, very funny. TMGLTMSIOMO: "I got these tubes stuck to my insides and I can't sh*t at all" LOL - which brings me to my only minor gripe: I thought the use of expletives elsewhere was a bit much (same thing with TOS), but overall this was outstanding work. 555+
bobpiecheese - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
I know that with this song, it's hard to stray from the original lyric entirely. But what parts you did change, they were mind-numbingly AWESOME!
stuart mcarthur - April 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks for dropping in Rick :-)

thanks Cat - and now I read it again, I see you're right about the "Pie"

thanks Jack - I'll have a look

yes TJC, Cat pointed me in the right direction - as an amirighter I should have immediately figured that out

thanks Red - yeah, I was actually concerned about all the profanity, but it was still Stan, so I figured that's the way Stan talks - I didn't add any - just used them when eminem did and for feel and correct emphasis - also, I agree with what you said on Paul R's parody - you can water the words down, but they still serve the same purpose :-)

thanks bobpie - I tried to make the story mirror the OS's story, so I needed chunks of the OS as signposts to where we were up to
Kristof Robertson - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Yeah, this is OK, I guess....;-) Seriously, this is wonderful stuff, mate: nice to see you taking on rap with the same skill you apply to other genres. But, I gotta ask...a santa parody in April? Huh?? :-D 555+
Agrimorfee - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
It's incredible how the Amiright Request Hour Request thread has helped grow some quite amazing parodies! This is heartily no exception. If Chucky does a Christmas book, I want this to be included.
Lucy Branston's Great-Granddaughter - April 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Really liked this one - especially the paraphrasing of the famous Christmas songs. After all, Stan is hardly the jolliest of songs, so well done for making it so seasonal.
Red Ant - April 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Kindly disregard my "minor gripe" above, heh heh - I DKWTF I was thinking when I wrote that.
McKludge - May 11, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The OS is disturbing enough, now to make it about Santa? Have you no shame :-) Excellent craftsmanship.
Max Power - May 13, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Should be on top 5.
poomaster - May 16, 2007 - Report this comment
bobpiecheese - May 24, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still awesome!
Michael McVey - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment
We now know not to waste a trip to the North Pole. Rudolph says there are some 5's in Santa's bag.
Peter Andersson - May 27, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Seasonal greetings Of The Month?
Jason - May 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I like the originality in this. I think this would be even better come Christmas time.
Johnny D - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) WHOAH, you must've dropped ten or twelve pounds writing THAT!! For some reason, the line "my brother disses me just coz I looked you up in Greenland" seems particularly funny to me!
Below Average Dave - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't see how this song can place anything but 1st--anything but 1st. . .it's the best parody I've read on the site period. . .although I am a bit surprised you didn't wait till November or Decemeber to release it, but with the quality I guess see why.
Raphaella So - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) - lol
Mikey Squirrel - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM- Wow another long song. It was nice to read, making me think of Christmas and all. Great job, Stu.
Cat - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, and takes on a whole new dimension after listening! Usually I don't like leaving OS lines in, but you really made it work for you very well.
wannabemustangjockey - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Pretty dang crazy. I'm not fond of rap songs but I can appreciate the insane amount of work that goes into parodying one.
Kristof Robertson - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above. Just dripping with humour, clever subs, and McArthur quality rhyming. Fab
Jack Wilson - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
See above 3 times!
Red Ant - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. As for the seasonality issue, I like this better now, because by Christmas time I'd be sick of holiday themed parodies.
Ethan Mawyer - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I tried this, sort of, about six years ago when the song was new. Mine wasn't a pure parody...I tried to pace the chorus well and the rest was really just a poem. In my version the kid ended up going to the north pole and getting stuck in the snow, and I think mine started with "My feet are cold" but it may have been "freezing cold" I lost the document I typed it in although it may be floating online somewhere. Anyway, this was great.
Dee Range - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Jesus...this is beyond brilliant. It should not only be recorded, but filmed. Not much to say that hasn't already been said, except CONGRATS FOR SONG OF THE MONTH!!! KEEP 'EM COMIN', MATE!!!
Andrew D. Lacroix - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow... simply funny as hell. Would have been even funnier in the Christmas spirit. Screw it, it's lmfao.
BADLUCKKITTIE - June 23, 2007 - Report this comment
This is super clever!! jeez listening to the original song and putting the lyrics to it i was impressed. haha, awesome job!
moogle301 - July 16, 2007 - Report this comment
wow please record it!!!! on youtubwe or fileden
Shan - July 21, 2007 - Report this comment
5's all around, that's hilarious. You've done an awesome job.
Matthias - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
One of the Top 5 of the Epic 40 tackled by our very own Stuart McArthur, if that isn't skill I don't know what is. This was great, and a simply amazing idea! This really is going to get some points from me in SOTY.
Jeff Reuben - March 31, 2008 - Report this comment
A song with Sasquatch! This is one of the funniest of your funny songs of the year.
mfundo - August 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Silver Power - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
A very enjoyable read on a very tough song. The only thing I didn't like was the use of a few opf the actual lines from the song. However, they made sense with the subject. 5s!
DJ Blaze - September 06, 2009 - Report this comment
WOW. This is the toughest-looking OS I've ever seen. Very funny parody! 555
Timmy1000 - September 10, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC P) Great rhymes, change of words on Dido singing part of the OS and especially the close following of the OS rap with your Santa story theme. This was extremely well written.
Agrimorfee - September 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Stu always pulls out the big guns just when you think it's safe to run in ABC! ;)
Guy - September 13, 2009 - Report this comment

Extremely difficult OS to pull off so well. You have what it takes, Stu. You never cease to amaze. Well done.
Abbott Skelding - September 15, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC: FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY!! Excellent job!!
bobpiecheese - September 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) I repeat: awesome!
Leo Keough - September 16, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC5(P) Too many funny references to mention!!!...Outstanding job on a difficult OS!!!...555!!!
Mark Scotti - September 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Never mind Stan. Stu, YOU DA MAN!!! LOL
Melanie Lee - September 18, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Quite clever. Record this in time for Christmas if you haven't already. 555 in your stocking!
Below Average Dave - September 19, 2009 - Report this comment
ON a second read, it's still a great parody. . .of course it already did it's part in SOTM, but I suppose I can't hold that against you:)
Matthias - September 19, 2009 - Report this comment
This one is not only epic but it's Epic Win! I still remember challanging you to parody an Eminem song and what do you go and do, you parody the hardest song to parody that Eminem has done. Congrats you deserved to win in SOTM.
Red Ant - September 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Still love this, and the attention to rhyming (cargo/hard though/ are though and foreplay/ more lay/ horse sleigh, etc.) make a good rap parody great.
Stuart McArthur - December 06, 2020 - Report this comment
Hmm. Check out the latest SNL Xmas parody. Seems like a direct pinching of this idea. Plus the letter writer is called Stu. WTF?
ThrilledAreWe Clinton - December 07, 2020 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but great storytelling and rhyming.
ThrilledAreWe Clinton - December 07, 2020 - Report this comment
And yes, lots of shameless idea stealing, identity theft, rating abuse, and other shenanigans going on here; this is the Wild West...

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