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Song Parodies -> "You Svelte, Thin Ladies"
Original Song Title:
"The Real Slim Shady"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Eminem
Parody Song Title:
"You Svelte, Thin Ladies"
Parody Written by:
Nib Oswald
The Lyrics
"I'm tired of magazines saying flat butt's the only thing." To the beanpole dames in the magazines...
Ladies, have your digestion raised.
Ladies, quaff some nutrition, please.
Will you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Why deplete?
Will you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
You're gobbling up nothing, here.
Y'all act like you've never been a wide person before.
All scrawny and gaunt like scrags, your bodies are thirsting for pork.
You starve at supper then fast early next morn.
You surely feel worn throwing-up from bulemia. (Blergh!)
Let's blame the media...
"Oh hey, no way, Ms Kidman,
She didn't just gain half a kilogram? PREGNANT!"
Your doctors they get... sustenance into yas!
"Chomp some cake, bread, creme chocolates and bacon!" (Eat up!)
Stick-insect women loathe M&Ms:
"Sugar sugar sugar! Them's fatty, so thickening. Sickening!
Packs on the pounds having way too much carbs, nibbling glucose foods."
Yeah, but you've no boobs, yo!
Man, you probably got a cupboard of spoons that never get used.
You float past when gusts flow along or an airy wind blows.
So refined, yet you're all just too weedy to wear belt loops... on pants.
Got a pool of handcream to keep your skin smooth.
Your bum aint got no hips! A rump is not equipped!
When lips are puckered, your cheeks start looking a little pinched.
You're anorexic, like a cadaver, a total wisp.
Really ectomorphic, yo, got a thinnin' uterus, kid!
World abhors you grotty hos and skinny whores, cuz
Magazines worship gaunt waifs.
A fat girl feels ugly, at a 'gross' weight.
You eat nothing, you models.
Well, some of you gobble up a carton of maple syrup, then chunder it. (Slurp!)
Yeah you love to shun all sustenance and nourishment,
And keep on squeezin' into pants every teenage fan wants to get. (Cool!)
But if you reel from a meal and don't encourage it,
Younger girls will follow suit, hunger strike and start to spew.
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
Y'all live up to Kate Moss's trim abs and svelte figure?
Well lipo-ho-suction's for suckers, foo'!
You friggin' skeleton, no pounds of flab here.
Ass is asthenic, a teeny stomach, yeah. Skin 'n' bone mammaries.
Such trim, puckered-up skin. Body's nipped and sere!
My, your waistline and bust size are measured 'mere'.
You'd better listen dear, lest you disappear.
Shit, these-teeny-scrags-are-meagre with their wretched rears!
Your tiny hips are flexing, arse has really got no girth.
A wiry model with a Gucci-made moleskin purse.
Skinny bitch! Get a damn ass, you empty freak!
Licking fruit doesn't fill you body with strength each week!
Make your pounds go past eighty up to ninety three,
And grow out full, girl, cuz you need M&M IVs! (Ha!)
I'm sick of you brittle girls in Vogue mags, driving 'round with your chrome mags,
Y'all should be sent through weight-gain programs.
You make a million dollars flubber-free,
With puckered cheeks,
Your nourishment is nuts and leaves!
Your butt's so lean.
Sucked, tucked and pluckered queen!
Your bod's size 3, with exposed ribs. God, you're tiny!
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're like a twig wearing Lisa Ho, cuz you're really stringy, so thin.
Snort cocaine down in your Benz and dine on slimming food.
A zerophagous looking bloody gaunt, you're rangy and 8-feet tall,
Cuz meals aren't carbo-full or sugar-coated at all.
When diet number five is started?
Unless you are wide and larded...(Girl) why be bothered?
Flatter than grimy, discarded straw wrappers stamped on.
Don't you hunger? Chow health sticks, eat up no hampers? You're famished!
Too skinny! As you abstain from growing and get scurvy,
You'll have a bony waistline and just murder hamburgers.
Lunch on turkey breasts and gulp down tacos, scoff down furters.
Go beserk and fill your old scraggy cadaver with McGherkins.
And anything for slurpin' that gets thin ladies burpin'
Is good for burstin' them Gucci jeans, splittin' out of them size threes. (Rip!)
Cuz it'll start your gut gurglin', cram it high with healthy stuff.
Figure will arouse with a bigger butt.
And will you slim ladies expand out,
So that none of your organs or ribs stand out.
Get your poundage more rounded and wide,
Not pouty and small.
We want more brides proud of their can.
Models must grow!!!
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
Models, guess there's a blimp waiting in all of yas.
Puckered? Just expand out!
Ladies, quaff some nutrition, please.
Will you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Why deplete?
Will you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
You're gobbling up nothing, here.
Y'all act like you've never been a wide person before.
All scrawny and gaunt like scrags, your bodies are thirsting for pork.
You starve at supper then fast early next morn.
You surely feel worn throwing-up from bulemia. (Blergh!)
Let's blame the media...
"Oh hey, no way, Ms Kidman,
She didn't just gain half a kilogram? PREGNANT!"
Your doctors they get... sustenance into yas!
"Chomp some cake, bread, creme chocolates and bacon!" (Eat up!)
Stick-insect women loathe M&Ms:
"Sugar sugar sugar! Them's fatty, so thickening. Sickening!
Packs on the pounds having way too much carbs, nibbling glucose foods."
Yeah, but you've no boobs, yo!
Man, you probably got a cupboard of spoons that never get used.
You float past when gusts flow along or an airy wind blows.
So refined, yet you're all just too weedy to wear belt loops... on pants.
Got a pool of handcream to keep your skin smooth.
Your bum aint got no hips! A rump is not equipped!
When lips are puckered, your cheeks start looking a little pinched.
You're anorexic, like a cadaver, a total wisp.
Really ectomorphic, yo, got a thinnin' uterus, kid!
World abhors you grotty hos and skinny whores, cuz
Magazines worship gaunt waifs.
A fat girl feels ugly, at a 'gross' weight.
You eat nothing, you models.
Well, some of you gobble up a carton of maple syrup, then chunder it. (Slurp!)
Yeah you love to shun all sustenance and nourishment,
And keep on squeezin' into pants every teenage fan wants to get. (Cool!)
But if you reel from a meal and don't encourage it,
Younger girls will follow suit, hunger strike and start to spew.
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
Y'all live up to Kate Moss's trim abs and svelte figure?
Well lipo-ho-suction's for suckers, foo'!
You friggin' skeleton, no pounds of flab here.
Ass is asthenic, a teeny stomach, yeah. Skin 'n' bone mammaries.
Such trim, puckered-up skin. Body's nipped and sere!
My, your waistline and bust size are measured 'mere'.
You'd better listen dear, lest you disappear.
Shit, these-teeny-scrags-are-meagre with their wretched rears!
Your tiny hips are flexing, arse has really got no girth.
A wiry model with a Gucci-made moleskin purse.
Skinny bitch! Get a damn ass, you empty freak!
Licking fruit doesn't fill you body with strength each week!
Make your pounds go past eighty up to ninety three,
And grow out full, girl, cuz you need M&M IVs! (Ha!)
I'm sick of you brittle girls in Vogue mags, driving 'round with your chrome mags,
Y'all should be sent through weight-gain programs.
You make a million dollars flubber-free,
With puckered cheeks,
Your nourishment is nuts and leaves!
Your butt's so lean.
Sucked, tucked and pluckered queen!
Your bod's size 3, with exposed ribs. God, you're tiny!
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're like a twig wearing Lisa Ho, cuz you're really stringy, so thin.
Snort cocaine down in your Benz and dine on slimming food.
A zerophagous looking bloody gaunt, you're rangy and 8-feet tall,
Cuz meals aren't carbo-full or sugar-coated at all.
When diet number five is started?
Unless you are wide and larded...(Girl) why be bothered?
Flatter than grimy, discarded straw wrappers stamped on.
Don't you hunger? Chow health sticks, eat up no hampers? You're famished!
Too skinny! As you abstain from growing and get scurvy,
You'll have a bony waistline and just murder hamburgers.
Lunch on turkey breasts and gulp down tacos, scoff down furters.
Go beserk and fill your old scraggy cadaver with McGherkins.
And anything for slurpin' that gets thin ladies burpin'
Is good for burstin' them Gucci jeans, splittin' out of them size threes. (Rip!)
Cuz it'll start your gut gurglin', cram it high with healthy stuff.
Figure will arouse with a bigger butt.
And will you slim ladies expand out,
So that none of your organs or ribs stand out.
Get your poundage more rounded and wide,
Not pouty and small.
We want more brides proud of their can.
Models must grow!!!
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
Lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
You're lithe, trim, lanky,
Such wizened, frail ladies.
Looking all macerated, you're emaciating!
So won't you svelte, thin ladies expand out?
Expand out! Expand out!
Models, guess there's a blimp waiting in all of yas.
Puckered? Just expand out!
"So Cosmo says your fat? Well, I aint down with that! Cuz your waist is small and your curves are kickin'!" So eat up that chicken!
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 15 | 16 | 16 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
I agree. If any of these really thin women were to pose in a nudie magazine, all of the men would barf!
555+. Submit this for SOTM.
He likes his women like he likes his coffee...ahem, never mind. 5's all around, and I second Red Ant's SOTM comment.
Ground up in a pot of boiling water? Only if calllamelll flavoured.
Hilarious stuff.
Why are you so good at this stuff? In a song with a bazillion lyrics, you manage to keep the whole thing fresh throughout. On top of that, the pacing is perfect, the rhymes are perfect, and it's a RAP SONG.
F*ck it. You win. I'm quitting rap parodies forever. I just can't compete with this. (In fact, that gives me a sweet idea for a parody...a duet even...)
F*ck it. You win. I'm quitting rap parodies forever. I just can't compete with this. (In fact, that gives me a sweet idea for a parody...a duet even...)
SOTM: Can't remember the original well enough to vote, sorry : (
Thanks Larry and DAK. Awww... you don't have to quit, Chuck, I need SOMEONE who knows the OS to remind me how great I am.
(ABC) Yeah...I think I MIGHT have commented on this one already...when I'm done with all of this graduation stuff, we need to work on our duets, Luke. I'm finding our latest igpay atinlay project quite impossible.
Of course, by "ABC" I meant "SOTM." What language do you speak?
(sotm05) Luke likes big butts, there's no denyin'...amazing wordage as always.
(SOTM) They may look like 3's, but they're just starving 5's.
(SOTM05) WOW!! Epic accomplishment here! 5s
(SOTM) Luke, glad you didn't submit "AP". Best rap parody I have ever seen. This is so darned good I will never parody this OS. I can't karaoke this but can't sing the OS either. This needs to be recorded and copyrighted man, it's that good.
(SOTM05) DKTOS, but a lot of good work.
(SOTM) Good take on a serious health problem.
I can't come up with a pun for this comment, you used them all in the parody!
Well done, but I think you are being too hard on Ms. Kidman.
Holy crap. Someone here needs a trip to Overachievers Anonymous. I don't even wanna know how long it took you to faithfully refurbish every syllable of the original. This is dizzying. Oh, and I agree with the sentiment; 10 pounds over is so much nicer than 10 pounds under.
Health shakes for Charlie D, dieting pills for Agrimorfee, rice crackers for Tim Mayfield, a manicured digit to the uvula for Rick C, brussel sprouts for Red Ant, Diet Water for Adagio, alfalfa paste for Scathe, fruit licks for K1chyd, Diet Air for John Jenkins and a greased-up hippopotamus on a spit stuffed with donuts for Spaff.
I believe the first two verses were done from Alice Springs to Uluru and the rest during the agonising plane trip from Uluru to Sydney. That Peter Sellers biography was just awful!
I believe the first two verses were done from Alice Springs to Uluru and the rest during the agonising plane trip from Uluru to Sydney. That Peter Sellers biography was just awful!
(SOTM) I'm always impressed when someone can take a lo-o-ong song and manage to parody all of it perfectly. I can see Mary-Kate Olsen and Lindsay Lohan dancing throughout this song. I, too, believe that too skinny is repulsive. More cushion for the pushin, oh yea.. baby got back.. oops sorry. Got carried away. Good job, Luke. Tri-Fives.
(SOTM) "We want more brides proud of their can" ... indeed ... indeed ...
SOTM--I always have a hard time singing (rapping) along with Eminem parodies...in spite of the fact that I dig his stuff. But I LOVED reading this, Luke...it's beyond impressive!
(SOTM) - inside every Kate Moss there's a fat Kathy Moose just busting to get out - the sweet spot is the broad range "less than obese", but "more than slim" - I do know this Eminem number, Luke, and this here's a bloody bonza effort, ma-a-a-a-ate (and Aussie police: please don't pick me up on "bonza" again - I'm sure you downunder dudes still say it)
SOTM--Very well done rap parody!
Very well done rap parody, Luke. 'And my vocabulary grows ten sizes this day, plus two."
(SOTM) Honestly, Mr Mathers betta watch his back...it's thunda from downunda! 555
Nicole Kidman's kids are adopted - I'd rather be thin than ignorant
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