Shut your trap, you're a douche
C'mon!

Sick of your pure, Grade-A BS
Your lies always bring me such stress
Keep lookin' for that one "Aha!" moment
That turns my hobby into creepy shit (haha)
A figurine shelf for Mega Man
I'm sorry, I don't understand
Why that raises some red-shaded flags
That makes me the worst kind of nerd man
With ev'ry Big Bad Toy Store box, I refute
Your anti-toy-collectin' spiels
Yes, I just called them toys, twice in fact, douche
I'm no "that's not the truth, they're action figures" dude
Get your grubby mitts off of my Figmas box (yeah, yeah)
Paid good cash for this, so kindly piss off (yeah, yeah)
I never play with them? An outright lie
Found your Youtube channel called "Dude thinks he's five"
How did you hide the cam'ras from me? I keep this place clean
I dust my whole collection ev'ry single week
Would be rude not to do the rest, you see
So there's your "makes you lazy" jab debunked with ease (yeah)
Still don't get what part of my hobby pisses you off
No, afraid that I simply can't stop
I'm keepin' up with the rent and finances
If it makes you leave, I think I'll take my chances (yeah)

You're always really pissy (haha) 'bout how I live my life
Your reasons are so shitty, I'll keep my toys (toys)
You claim I'm bein' silly, look in a mirror, right
You keep on bein' pissy, I'll keep my toys (toys) (yeah)

My hobby has its highs and lows (I know)
But signs of health decay have yet to show (no-show)
If on just fast food did I drop my dough
I couldn't afford this huge Death Star, no?
My quick kiss-offs won't abate your hate
Another screed pulled out your arse because you love to debate (ey)
A little desp'rate, claim I live in debt
You know I don't get mailed bank statements
So your claims have no basis in facts
Hell, I'm always the first to pay my tax
"Responsibility" is your main retort
When have I asked for loans from you at the clothes store?
Oh wait, I think I have my pronouns all mixed
You asked for cash, you hypocrite
You can't dance round that, boy
Let me enjoy toys

You should stop gettin' pissy 'bout how I live my life
Justifications: shitty, I'll keep my toys (toys)
You still say that I'm silly, the mirror's on your right
Have fun bein' so pissy, I'll keep my toys (gonna keep my toys)
Your switch is stuck on "pissy", get your nose out my life
Your methods are pure shitty, I'll keep my toys (toys)
You're the one who looks silly, the mirror proves me right
Good luck bein' so pissy, I'll keep my toys (gonna keep my toys)

Week after week and day after day
You burst into my room just to complain
By now, it's so rote that I barely stop
Posin' Captain Marvel for my toy review blog, hang on
I just remembered somethin' you've been tweetin'
That implies that said blog, you're readin'
Seen your comments, eyes were bleedin'
So much dorkitude, I've a hard time believin'
That the one who derides the time and hard work
It takes to keep these all pristine like some kinda jerk
The guy who likes to throw pretzel sticks
To knock down the Lantern Corps like dominoes is a nerd
Critique all I say, yell at each cough
And yet you've never heard of "paragraphs", you're blocked (haha)
Unveil a new ID, back to the blog
When I rant over dinner, you cut me off
To bitch about how I fill the bins up
With plastic packagin', cardboard backs and junk
I bought my own, you see the labels I stuck on?
Please shut your damn gob, faster than your brain, god, stop
It's not okay to keep goin' on (on)
About the one thing that pisses you off
I'm not overt about the things I like
And yet you never shut up 'bout how you hate toys

Needlessly gettin' pissy 'bout how I live my life
Now you're all hypocrite-y, I'll keep my toys (toys)
You're the one bein' silly cause you secretly like
The things that make you pissy, I'll keep my toys (gonna keep my toys)
Note that I don't get pissy when you rant 'bout my life (toys, my toys)
Cause that would just be shitty, I'll keep my toys (toys)
I'm gettin' mildly snitty, I may be singin', fine (toys, my toys)
Not to the point of pissy, I'll keep my toys (toys, my toys, gonna keep my toys)

Toys, my toys
Toys, my toys (gonna keep my toys)
Toys, my toys
Toys, my toys (gonna keep my toys)
Toys, my toys
Toys, my toys
Hey, hey, hey, you act like my hobby's evil
Hey, hey, hey, although it's somethin' you love
Hey, hey, hey, out of this, you'll never weasel
So kindly piss off, give me my big box