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Song Parodies -> "Real Men of Christmas"
Original Song Title:
"Real Men of Genius"
Original Performer:
David Bickler
Parody Song Title:
"Real Men of Christmas"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
OK, so they weren't real men. Or... were they?
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. Santa Claus, Kris Kringle!
(Singer)
Mr. Santa Claus, Kris Kringle!
(Announcer)
Maybe it's out of self-interest,
but a lot of people still believe in you!
(Singer)
Believe in you!
(Announcer)
Christmas is the day
we all turn back into little boys and girls.
Sometimes even... good ones!
(Singer)
Be good for goodness sake!
(Announcer)
So we salute you, St. Nicholas!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. Francis Parcellus Church!
(Singer)
Who?
(Announcer)
The guy who wrote the "Yes, Virginia" editorial!
(Singer)
Oh, him!
Mr. "Yes, Virginia" Editorial Writer!
(Announcer)
Virginia O'Hanlon of New York was
eight years old back in 1897,
and she wanted to know if
there really was a Santa Claus.
(Backing Vocalists)
I don't think so!
(Announcer)
Ah, but when she wrote to the New York Sun newspaper,
its editorial writer, Mr. Church, said,
"Virginia, your little friends are wrong!
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!"
(Singer)
Yes, there is!
(Announcer)
Miss O'Hanlon lived to be 83 years old,
long outliving the paper that made her famous.
But how could Mr. Church have answered otherwise?
So, Mr. Church, and Virginia,
we salute you!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge!
(Singer)
Mr. Victorian miser money-lender!
(Announcer)
You were a miserable old man
who thought Christmas was a humbug!
(Singer)
Bah, humbug!
(Announcer)
But a series of ghosts showed you
the error of your ways.
And you changed your life,
and made 1843 the best Christmas ever!
For the people of your little English town, anyway!
(Singer)
Ho, ho, ho!
(Announcer)
And God bless us!
(Singer)
Everyone!
(Announcer)
So Amiright salutes you!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. George Bailey!
(Singer)
Mr. Building-and-Loan money-lender!
(Announcer)
For so long, you were the anti-Scrooge!
(Singer)
Anti-Scrooge!
(Announcer)
Sure, it seemed like nothing ever went right for you.
But you needed to be shown
what life would've been like without you
to see that it truly was a wonderful life!
(Singer)
Wonderful!
(Announcer)
And then, for not ratting out
your absent-minded Uncle Billy,
and for all the other good things you did,
the people of Bedford Falls came to your rescue!
And made you the richest man in town!
(Singer)
Oh, look at you!
(Announcer)
Of course, if you're still alive,
you're about 100 years old now.
But we'll assume you've gotten your wings!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Joseph the carpenter of Nazareth!
(Singer)
Mr. Joseph the carpenter of Nazareth!
(Announcer)
Talk about pressure!
(Singer, imitating Billy Joel)
Presh-shuh!
(Announcer)
First you get set up with a teenage girl you barely know.
Then she drops this bombshell on you.
Then this explanation.
But the angel told you not to fear!
(Singer)
Fear ye not!
(Announcer)
And then you had to go back to Bethlehem...
to be taxed!
(Singer)
Oy, gevalt!
(Announcer)
And you couldn't get a room!
(Singer)
No hotel, oh well!
(Announcer)
So there you are, in the barn...
I wonder if she had labor pains?
Stopping those would've been
the least that God could do!
And all you had was swaddling cloths.
And then the Wise Men show up.
Did they bring blankets?
(Backing Vocalists)
I don't think so!
(Announcer)
Well, you could've traded the gold for blankets,
and the frankincense could've helped with the barn smell.
(Singer)
So what is myrrh?
(Announcer)
At this point, does it matter?
(Backing Vocalists)
I don't think so!
(Announcer)
Now, the day every father dreads
is the day his child asks,
"Dad, where did I come from?"
I wonder how you explained that one?
Hopefully, you didn't say...
(Singer)
Go ask your mom!
(Announcer)
For everything you did...
and everything she did...
and everything he did...
We salute you all!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. Santa Claus, Kris Kringle!
(Singer)
Mr. Santa Claus, Kris Kringle!
(Announcer)
Maybe it's out of self-interest,
but a lot of people still believe in you!
(Singer)
Believe in you!
(Announcer)
Christmas is the day
we all turn back into little boys and girls.
Sometimes even... good ones!
(Singer)
Be good for goodness sake!
(Announcer)
So we salute you, St. Nicholas!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. Francis Parcellus Church!
(Singer)
Who?
(Announcer)
The guy who wrote the "Yes, Virginia" editorial!
(Singer)
Oh, him!
Mr. "Yes, Virginia" Editorial Writer!
(Announcer)
Virginia O'Hanlon of New York was
eight years old back in 1897,
and she wanted to know if
there really was a Santa Claus.
(Backing Vocalists)
I don't think so!
(Announcer)
Ah, but when she wrote to the New York Sun newspaper,
its editorial writer, Mr. Church, said,
"Virginia, your little friends are wrong!
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!"
(Singer)
Yes, there is!
(Announcer)
Miss O'Hanlon lived to be 83 years old,
long outliving the paper that made her famous.
But how could Mr. Church have answered otherwise?
So, Mr. Church, and Virginia,
we salute you!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge!
(Singer)
Mr. Victorian miser money-lender!
(Announcer)
You were a miserable old man
who thought Christmas was a humbug!
(Singer)
Bah, humbug!
(Announcer)
But a series of ghosts showed you
the error of your ways.
And you changed your life,
and made 1843 the best Christmas ever!
For the people of your little English town, anyway!
(Singer)
Ho, ho, ho!
(Announcer)
And God bless us!
(Singer)
Everyone!
(Announcer)
So Amiright salutes you!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Mr. George Bailey!
(Singer)
Mr. Building-and-Loan money-lender!
(Announcer)
For so long, you were the anti-Scrooge!
(Singer)
Anti-Scrooge!
(Announcer)
Sure, it seemed like nothing ever went right for you.
But you needed to be shown
what life would've been like without you
to see that it truly was a wonderful life!
(Singer)
Wonderful!
(Announcer)
And then, for not ratting out
your absent-minded Uncle Billy,
and for all the other good things you did,
the people of Bedford Falls came to your rescue!
And made you the richest man in town!
(Singer)
Oh, look at you!
(Announcer)
Of course, if you're still alive,
you're about 100 years old now.
But we'll assume you've gotten your wings!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Amiright salutes you, Joseph the carpenter of Nazareth!
(Singer)
Mr. Joseph the carpenter of Nazareth!
(Announcer)
Talk about pressure!
(Singer, imitating Billy Joel)
Presh-shuh!
(Announcer)
First you get set up with a teenage girl you barely know.
Then she drops this bombshell on you.
Then this explanation.
But the angel told you not to fear!
(Singer)
Fear ye not!
(Announcer)
And then you had to go back to Bethlehem...
to be taxed!
(Singer)
Oy, gevalt!
(Announcer)
And you couldn't get a room!
(Singer)
No hotel, oh well!
(Announcer)
So there you are, in the barn...
I wonder if she had labor pains?
Stopping those would've been
the least that God could do!
And all you had was swaddling cloths.
And then the Wise Men show up.
Did they bring blankets?
(Backing Vocalists)
I don't think so!
(Announcer)
Well, you could've traded the gold for blankets,
and the frankincense could've helped with the barn smell.
(Singer)
So what is myrrh?
(Announcer)
At this point, does it matter?
(Backing Vocalists)
I don't think so!
(Announcer)
Now, the day every father dreads
is the day his child asks,
"Dad, where did I come from?"
I wonder how you explained that one?
Hopefully, you didn't say...
(Singer)
Go ask your mom!
(Announcer)
For everything you did...
and everything she did...
and everything he did...
We salute you all!
(Singer)
Real Men of Christmas!
(Announcer)
Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 4 | 3 | 3 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 |
User Comments
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i like it
I see Linda, Sarcastic Paranoid and Proud "American" voted. I didn't think this would be offensive. Even if I did already walk that line with "The First Hotel" a couple of Christmases ago.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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