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Song Parodies -> "If You're Not "The One""

Original Song Title:

"If You're Not the One"

Original Performer:

Daniel Bedingfield

Parody Song Title:

"If You're Not "The One""

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

And lo, there shall come a time where a hero shall rise, take the Sword of Power and defeat the great evi- yes, hello? No, not you. It's not you. It's my job to know who the Great Hero is, and it's not you, ya smug knob.
If you're not "The One" who's prophesied to be evil's bane
If you're not "The One" who'll keep Hell's demonic beasts at bay
If you are not, I ask why do you claim you heard the call?
If you are not, I must find the hero who'll solve it all

You're standing there with a huge grin
The ancient sword's no free handout, glad there's no ruse
That you really are "The One", but that won't change shit

Prophecies run just one way
Won't let you break it to prove you're a man
I can see right through you
You don't have the heart that cares for this land
You're not being brave, you've got your brains in your arse

I know it's not you, there's no ancient mark upon your wrist
I know it's not you, heard you say the sword will help with "the chicks"
If you do not leave, you'll find I can deal with that small knife
If you do not leave, you'll learn how to wish you had no more life

I don't know why you came here today
But I know that this much is true: you are a douche
Not a good trait for "The One", so you should leave quick
And the time is not right for "The One", I deem it
Way too early for "The One", we're not yet hopeless
And no, I won't just "let it slide"

When the world needs to be saved
It needs a saviour, not some shirtless prat
A little shocked that you
Think you could get far with a smirk like that
There's just no damn way that we will train your smug arse

I will kick you
If you touch me once more, 'cause I am not in your way
We don't need you
I've spent my life in training to tell who'll save the day
And it's not you, you cannot be our light
Sure, you work out, but you're not the type
To be pure-hearted, just too snide

You won't get the sword today
I know you hate it and don't understand
But it's not meant for you
Get back in your cart, stop being a twat
You can't save the day, you're just a pain in the arse

I almost had that second-to-last line be "get back in your car" to imply that the prophecy has lasted into the modern day (and thus kinda explaining the False Hero's attitude, though smug bellends existed before they came to be described as dudebros) but it didn't really feel like a twist as much as it did an inconsistency. Also the security code is D69. Nice.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

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 5   1

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