He was playing online against some kid in Cincinnati
In a multiplayer brawl
Mario dodging those attacks from Yoshi,
tried to steal his smash ball
Fifteen stages to go, and he was running low on health and power-ups
And he was out of beer

He’d been playing for hours and he didn’t pay attention
Time was passing way too fast
Before he knew it he had skipped another shower
And he smelled like unwashed ass
He saw his real-world life pass before his eyes
And he could no longer lie
He was in despair
Held the remote up in the air

Jesus take the Wiiâ„¢
Pry it from my hands
Cause I can’t quit this on my own
I’ve got to go
Before I crap my pants
But I can’t leave this game I’m in
Jesus take the Wiiâ„¢

He’d been playing nineteen hours when he finally flipped the power
And the Wiiâ„¢ came to a stop
He raced to the bathroom and slammed down on the toilet
And the turds began to plop
And for the first time in a long time
He bowed his head to pray
But first he grabbed the Lysol spray
Cause it smelled pretty foul
He said, I know I’ve got to quit
So I’m throwing in the towel

Jesus take the Wiiâ„¢
Pry it from my hands
Cause I can’t quit this on my own
Oh, Mario
We just need one more chance
In multiplayer mode online
Jesus take the Wiiâ„¢

Oh, I can’t let go
So pry it from my hands
Save me from Smash Brothers Brawl
From Smash Brothers Brawl
Jesus take the Wiiâ„¢
Oh, take it, take it from me