6 O'clock Monday night and I'm waiting
To finally talk to a girl a little older than me
Her name is Ethel she's a grandma with fake earrings
She likes her records though I'm not quite sure what that means
And when she walks, Got to help her or hand her a cane
But she'll never notice me

'Cause She's watching 'Oprah', crying over fat kids
Listening to Elvis, even has his greatest hits
She likes the old movies
And used to be a groupie
She things The Who is groovy
And she showed them her boobies
As I fail miserably trying to get
The girl all the old guys want
'Cause she's the girl all the old guys want

I like the Ozzfest but she like Buddy Holly
Her record player's filled with singers who are old as my dad
She said she'd like to score a youngster in his twenties
She'll never realize that I'm lying straight out my a**

'Cause She's watching 'Oprah', crying over fat kids
Listening to Elvis, even has his greatest hits
She likes them with a bus pass
Nice, tight, healthy a**
Driving slow as Christmas
Whines of her arthritic wrists

She likes the old movies
And used to be a groupie
She things The Who is groovy
And she showed them her boobies
As I fail miserably trying to get
The girl all the old guys want

'Cause she's the girl all the old guys want (x3)

There she goes again with face mud on and curlers in her hair
She broke my heart I want to be filleted
But then I threw up when I saw her naked

Now I'm watching 'Oprah', eating like a fat kid
Listening to Elvis, Went and bought his greatest hits
I can't get a bus pass, and I don't have a brawny a**
I dropped out of Phys Ed (echoes)

She likes the old movies
And used to be a groupie
She things The Who is groovy
And she showed them her boobies
As I fail miserably trying to get
The girl all the old guys want

'Cause she's the girl all the old guys want (Repeat until end)