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Song Parodies -> "If I Were a Droid"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were a Boy"

Original Performer:

Beyoncé

Parody Song Title:

"If I Were a Droid"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Pretty self-explanatory: dude wishes he were a robit. It's Friday, who's got time for complexities in your parodies?
If I were a droid
I think that'd be great
No wastin' in bed in the mornin'
Just have to push one button to go
I could be online
With no computer
I'd see shit and then straight blog it
Only have to give my optics a twitch
You'd all see what I see

If I were a droid
No longer look like a prat
When "professional" dares swerve
Into a burnin' need to scratch
And though I'd still hurt
No more blood on my shirt
"What about the oil?" Well spotted
But for that to leak, the damage
Would be more than would happen at work

If I were a droid
No more need for a phone
Number would reach my cortex
Wouldn't have to talk out loud, least I hope
Can't be late to work
With GPS for a nose
By car, bus or built-in skateboard
There'd be no place I can't go
Free to roam

If I were a droid
I could avoid real tight pants, oh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh
There's no flesh to pinch which hurts
Or sweat to drip right down my nads
And who needs a shirt?
Or clothes at all? Huge perk
Not that I'm, right now, a nudist (nudist)
But I'd have such space for bankin' (bankin')
Who needs fashion as a mechanoid?

Hard to get me a date but I'm fine with that
Low chance there anyway if I remained a flesh man
If steel sets hearts a-flame then, dude, that would rock

But no-one's a droid
At least for now, damn (yeah, at least for now, damn, oh-oh)
By the time they make 'em work
I bet I'd be a very long-dead man
I would fund the research
If I had cash to splurge
But in the meantime, I'll be wond'rin'
Ev'ry possible advantage
I'd gain if my dreams came true, such joy
But no-one's a droid

I mean, I'm sure someone today's feeling adventurous, especially if they're not a five-times-a-week crazy person like myself, but I'm covered in sweat right now, I tend to snark in that particular situation.

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