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Song Parodies -> "That's Guaranteed!"

Original Song Title:

"Catch My Disease"

Original Performer:

Ben Lee

Parody Song Title:

"That's Guaranteed!"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

False advertising will always bite you in the ass. Never a lesson to learn the hard way.
To go back on what you have promised
Well, no-one's gonna like it
But what I must say here is honest
And you're not gonna like it, no, you're not gonna like it
It's your fault, you see, can't stay silent
Although you'll never like it, I know you'll never like it
The end product's turned out so shitty
And no-one's gonna like it

So please, buddy, please
Pull all the ads with "That's Guaranteed!"

Said this drink could cure all cancer
And that's why folks should buy it
Turn your grandma to a dancer
So ev'ryone should buy it, go out in droves and buy it
One sip would make your skin immune to damage
You wanted folks to buy it, spend all their funds to buy it
"And then they'll all love me!" Yeah, that'd work
I'm sorry, I don't buy it

So please, buddy, please
Pull all the ads with "That's Guaranteed!"
Said please, buddy, please
You can't say that's guaranteed
That's shit


That phrase is all over the radio
The suits aren't gonna like it
When it's sold and tried, the mad complaints will flow
'Cause they're not gonna like it, no, they're not gonna like it
All of our socials will get ratioed
That's bad, means folks don't like it, I told you they won't like it
Play it off like I just made a joke
But no-one's gonna like it

So please, buddy, please
Pull all the ads with "That's Guaranteed!"
Said please, buddy, please
'Cause none of that's guaranteed
"That's Guaranteed!" (na-na-na-na-ah-na-na-na)
"That's Guaranteed!" (na-na-na-na-ah-na-na-na)
"That's Guaranteed!" (na-na-na-na-ah-na-na-na)
"That's Guaranteed!" (na-na-na-na-ah-na-na-na)
Na-na-na-na-ah-na-na-na (whoo!)
Na-na-na-na-ah-na-na-na (na-na-na-na)

It's honestly so weird to hear this pasty acoustic goof song reference Beyoncé in the third verse. Really sticks out, you know?

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 42

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   40

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Me - November 14, 2022 - Report this comment
This is “guaranteed” to have bogus 13 555 votes. The votes count for nothing on this site anymore
CML - November 14, 2022 - Report this comment
And this voting thing is actually doing harm to the website. So whats to be done about it? Make sh*tty comments about in order to drive the readership even lower? Perhaps we could step up verbal encouragement; or if give negative feedback with a view to helping newbies improve ....... Or maybe we can appeal once again to whoever is doing this to CUT THIS SH*t OUT. It is not appreciated by anybody; it is neither amusing or helpful in any way
Peregrin - November 14, 2022 - Report this comment
Agree with Lennie 100%
Purrl - November 14, 2022 - Report this comment
Yeah, looks like some incredibly stable genius figured out that they can vote American Idol style (because naturally, would they really know any other way? Come on...) from many devices/browsers and polarize the vote to all likes or all not so much and poison the well. Bravo loser...well done. Now that you've had your little pathetic dose of attention, why don't you scamper off and get your diaper changed or better yet, use your real name when voting and leave a comment you coward.
Purrl - November 15, 2022 - Report this comment
Looks like I hit a nerve. I had 28 votes and 45 views now I have 40 votes and only 48 views. How did I get 12 votes with only 3 views? Please fix this site webmaster. The votes on my entry are exactly the polar opposite of this one. Looks like some a whole gave this one 12 555 and mine 12 111 at the same time. wonder who it could be??? get a life byotch
bobpiecheese - November 15, 2022 - Report this comment
Bit tricky to know what to say here. I mean, we both have the same amount of evidence regarding your thinly-veiled accusations. Total my-word-versus-your-word situation. I can say that I have no idea how to pull off the multiple device scam all I want, you'll say I'm lying. I can theorise that you're pulling off a false-flag to make me look bad for whatever reason, you'll swear you're innocent. And it says in my author page why I use a different name in the comments. I agree that the bogus votes need to stop, I just wish I knew how.
Purrl - November 16, 2022 - Report this comment
Hi Mr. Cheese. This site used to be a place were intelligent people could make fun of the world in a creative and usually harmless way. There was always mutual respect and encouragement and we all enjoyed the pleasure of throwing only wit at each other...not accusations. Now I see the same childish BS as on FB and other worthless social media platforms. I have come to believe that this site is run by a bunch of 13 year olds who do it as a school project. No site worth its salt would even allow such a flawed voting mechanism to exist and persist in the first place. I don't make accusations, I was using your piece as an example against mine to illustrate what is going on...I meant no offense, but strange however, how you immediately got so defensive. Ever hear of Occam's Razor? it's a philosophy that states the correct answer is usually the simplest one to explain. No matter, it's not for me to decide who is doing this, I'm just stating what I see. Maybe I should create my own site where only authenticated fellow contributors and registered users can vote and leave comments. It's not hard at all. Peace out and thanks for the vote and comment.
Me - November 16, 2022 - Report this comment
I think the voting system should be scrapped altogether. It means absolutely nothing whatsoever. Anyone can clean out the cookies and refresh the page to abuse the voting system.
bobpiecheese - November 16, 2022 - Report this comment
The reason I was so defensive, Purrl, was because I've been accused of cookie-cleaning and such many times in the past with no justification. And as the person had constantly changed names, I sadly assumed you were that person. I should've known you weren't, though, that person also flat-out accused me while using my real name, not (what I thought was) slyly pointing the finger (as in the "I wonder who it could be???" comment). Sorry for the accusations, that's my bad.
Purrl - November 16, 2022 - Report this comment
All good. I still think that only authenticated fellow contributors and registered users should be allowed to vote. Thanks "Me" for your input on this subject, but I think the voting system is useful, as Its granularity to zoom in and critique certain aspects of the parody increases critical thinking, carves new neuropathways in the brain and leads to better and brighter results. I realize these are song parodies and not cures for cancer, but anything that can cause the brain to sharpen should be embraced as a necessary tool. With all the automation and technology there is today, people are using their brains less and less and are relying on these gadgets to live for them, ushering in our expedited demise as rational, intelligent beings. Lets not speak of this again and hope the site owners fix the voting system. Peace and love to all.

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