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Song Parodies -> "Bristle Trouble"

Original Song Title:

"Triple Trouble"

Original Performer:

Beastie Boys

Parody Song Title:

"Bristle Trouble"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Brush your teeth, damn it!
Know reminders are such a pain
But I'll keep on sayin' 'em, want them ingrained

Hey you (hey you), you should know (you should know)
The real deal about your teeth
So you should not have this bristle trouble, son
How can you still be stubborn? Geez, check it out

'Cause I'm your health advisor and provider
Of punishments to non-abiders (whoo!)
I don't get why you don't see (c'mon)
I just want your teeth to not end up dying
If I'm forced to cart thee to stupid parties
The least you could do is look after your body
Pretty good deal, a free set of wheels
And you keep gettin' to eat nasty meals
Or else teeth that turn brown is what you've got
Will really hurt the whole time they'll rot
If that's real surprisin', that's a-risin'
Big complaints 'bout your education

I swear you (swear you) have to know (have to know)
The real deal about your teeth
It just ain't right to have bristle trouble, son
I'll have to bring you up to speed, so check it out

First pick up the toothbrush with your strong hand here (whoo!)
Blob of toothpaste, more than "smear"
Back and forth it goes along your teeth, just steer
So it's all even, should have no fear
That you'll puncture your gums, that'll only happen
If you don't rinse and then clean
Your toothbrush, replace it often
Now once ev'ry tooth is clean, rinse 'em, rinse 'em
It's all very basic, so just stop whingin'
That you don't want to and I'm infringin'
On your freedoms, don't be such a dipshit
I'm savin' your life, best to deal with it

Now you (now you) really know (really know)
The real deal about your teeth
There's no way you can have bristle trouble, son
Just twice a day is all you need, no skippin' out

Man! You're so stubborn, goddamn
Just hope that I'll let it go like that
Cannot, want you to be better
I'm no forgetter (huh)
So I've set a clock that will blast
Bad songs in your face 'til you fight plaque (like so)
And you can't go turn it off, see (uh)
The lock only knows the fingers of me (agh)
Doin' you a favour, it's insane
That you're fine with nasty ways
You're fine with the tooth decay
Your teeth will fill you with pain (whoo!)
You're cool with breath so off-base (yup)
Your friends will all drive far away
Your teeth will join them one day
You're tryna speedrun old age
And then you're talkin' like I've lost the plot
Like I'm doin' this for fun
And not 'cause I doubt that you're gonna stop
Bein' shit at this since I said "please" once
Want your whole face to stay one whole face
Why is that a crime? Why am I your pain?
'Cause you're not eight anymore? Wait
That kinda makes it worse, you're an adult, your logic's shoddy
Not that surprisin', was a-risin'
Big complaints 'bout your education

Told you (told you) you should know (you should know)
The real deal about your teeth
You're so insistent on bristle trouble, son
Not gonna give up, that's not me, cut it out

I was always told I used too much toothpaste, but the suggested size always made me feel like there wasn't any toothpaste at all. Always a balance.

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