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Song Parodies -> "Freaks' Christmas"

Original Song Title:

"Green Christmas"

Original Performer:

Barenaked Ladies

Parody Song Title:

"Freaks' Christmas"

Parody Written by:

Sarcastic Paranoid

The Lyrics

If you really want to piss off every last whiny anti-Christmas busybody (from smarmy multiculturalists and anti-capitalists to spoilsport atheists and anti-Christmas ACLU lawyers), the best technique is to have as ordinary and traditional a Christmas as possible. The mere sight of a happy traditional family unapologetically enjoying a thoroughly untrendy and politically incorrect Christmas will make these miserable parasites' heads explode.
The house is filled with Christmas cheer,
But not the public square this year;
Canes and crosses strewn around my home,
And other customary gear.

Wrapping paper trimmed with gold,
Gifts at quite a discount sold;
Lively parties, but nothing that's obscene,
And all the egg nog I can hold.

My cheery relations,
All so ordinary;
We'll have a freaks' Christmas, you'll see!

Punch and cookies almost gone (punch and cookies almost gone);
Straight apparel I now don (straight apparel I now don);
Red wool stockings hung up by the fire,
And Christmas music droning on...

Red bows on a green wreath,
A light snow coming down,
But it's a freaks' Christmas to our town!

'Cause our folks are still married;
We have ev'rything we need;
There's been no adultery;
Got some children--two-point-three*;
We're a normal family...

No need for drugs or therapy,
Or "pornaments" hung on our tree.
Oh, come, all ye faithful;
The rest will stay away:
We've got a freaks' Christmas, so they say.

Now we're celebrating
One more Nativity,
And that's a freaks' Christmas, you see.
*2.3 children means having two children and a wife about three months pregnant with the third.

On the other hand, if those anti-Christmas spoilsports ever got their way and Christmas were outlawed, we'd have even more fun celebrating Christmas illegally. (I, for one, would be out roaming the town streets in my trench coat selling illegal cartons of egg nog at premium prices.) If Christmas were harder to get, maybe people would find more to celebrate about it. Maybe there's a contrarian silver lining in all this silly political bickering we've been having over Christmas lately.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

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