The house is filled with Christmas cheer,
But not the public square this year;
Canes and crosses strewn around my home,
And other customary gear.

Wrapping paper trimmed with gold,
Gifts at quite a discount sold;
Lively parties, but nothing that's obscene,
And all the egg nog I can hold.

My cheery relations,
All so ordinary;
We'll have a freaks' Christmas, you'll see!

Punch and cookies almost gone (punch and cookies almost gone);
Straight apparel I now don (straight apparel I now don);
Red wool stockings hung up by the fire,
And Christmas music droning on...

Red bows on a green wreath,
A light snow coming down,
But it's a freaks' Christmas to our town!

Freaks',
'Cause our folks are still married;
We have ev'rything we need;
There's been no adultery;
Got some children--two-point-three*;
We're a normal family...

No need for drugs or therapy,
Or "pornaments" hung on our tree.
Oh, come, all ye faithful;
The rest will stay away:
We've got a freaks' Christmas, so they say.

Now we're celebrating
One more Nativity,
And that's a freaks' Christmas, you see.