Another day is going by
I'm driving my Pinto all the time
But you've got a Royce
And I'm here hating

And I made this chick up in my head
To make up for things I never did or said
But now I'm drunk
And I can't walk straight

This could be the one last chance
To make a record deal
Because I make that "sensitive" John Mayer
look like he could be for real

I'd do anything
Just to make myself a buck
You can all go laugh at me
I sold out and I don't give a f---
I'd do anything
A grown man actually wrote this song
He sounds like a seventh grader
And you know
that's just wrong

Together we broke all the rules
Ran with scissors around school
Until I tripped
And lost my nads

So now maybe after all these years
I've grown up cuz now I can drink beer
But I sound queer
Like Richard Simmons

This could be the one last chance to make you understand
That there's a reason I got blisters all over my right hand

I'd do anything
Just to make myself a buck
You can all go and laugh at me
I sold out and I don't give a f---
I'd do anything
A grown man actually wrote this song
He sounds like a seventh grader
And you know
that's just sad and wrong

I close my eyes
I think I'm about to spew.
I close my eyes
Are you the guy
From Blink 182?
Tralala
And I'd do anything for a buck or two

I'd do anything
Just to make myself a buck
You can all go and laugh at me
I sold out and I don't give a f---
I'd do anything
A grown man actually wrote this song
He sounds like a seventh grader
And you know
that's just sad and wrong

I'd do anything
Just to make a buck or two
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
I sound like I'm nine, but I'm really 32.
I'd do anything
Cause otherwise
I can't afford that new BMW