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Song Parodies -> "Please, You're Not Prepared"

Original Song Title:

"Teenage Love Affair"

Original Performer:

Alicia Keys

Parody Song Title:

"Please, You're Not Prepared"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

One of my favourite parts of D&D is planning clever ploys in advance. Key part here is "in advance"...
Uh, there's rules, you should know, I gave you a sum-up
Isn't "anythin' goes", it's not kindergarten
Admit I got you, death saves for you, don't try to claim
That you had a shield in your gear and it was worn on your back all day

'Cause we all know that's a lie (a lie)
Not written in any line
On your character (whoo!) sheet, cut the lies, they're drivin' me crazy, crazy

Can't deny the damage that happened right there
Don't dare to bullshit me and say I'm not fair
All your plans have come straight from your anus
Come on, please, you're not prepared

Dude, bring this up in downtime, need setup 'fore the play
Not gonna let your ass weasel out of my mass of d8's
Backstory's set in stone, I asked for that at the beginnin', yeah-eah
So you can't claim you're not cooked because of a real secret mission

Set things up ahead of time (of time)
Then reveal the reason why (say why)
Use Chekhov's Gun (whoo!), don't be the writer of a bad story, story

Havin' to do damage control and declare
That things happened off-screen because it ain't fair
To the other players who are tryin'
Quit it, please, you're not prepared

Oh boy (ooh-ooh-ooh)
I swear I really like playin' with you (ooh-ooh)
But it's gettin' less fun (ooh-ooh)
Because you always pull this "But wait!" routine, it's the truth
"Hang on, wait!" is all we hear from you, oy
"Just wait!", ev'ry time's the same
Keep your mouth closed now or you can go home now

Dude, you know that I don't mind (don't mind)
If you lot ask me outright (outright)
If you can try out (whoo!) a trick that tries to turn the rules bendy, bendy

Ask if there's more damage for a fall right there
If a sword's still stabbin' through his pecs, that's fair
That's the kind of improv I'm rewardin'
Not this, please, you're not prepared, you're lazy, lazy
You don't get advantage 'cause the foes are scared
'Cause "dead friends", they're angry, drivin' me right spare
Cram that Cartman crap back up your anus
It stinks, please, you're not prepared

Normally I'd try to transcribe every little adlib in a song, but I decided against it for this one because a) they were so faint that I could barely pick up what was actually said and 2) it'd look really cluttered.

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Pacing: 5.0
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Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

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