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Song Parodies -> "Big Guns"

Original Song Title:

"No One"

Original Performer:

Alicia Keys

Parody Song Title:

"Big Guns"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "Viva La Pop" self-challenge. It's about a big gun nut. Pretty basic stuff. Enjoy!
Ev'rybody kno-ows
That I'm a fan of shoo-oote-e-ers
Not the ge-enre-oo-e-e-e-oo-e-e
Squeezin' the physical trigge-er
Itchy trigger finge-er
That's what I've got, ri-ight
Cause I love my guns
Too impatient to use the-e si-ight
But there i-is one thi-ing
That some fo-olks tend to fi-ind
I-is my pref-e-rance for my guns to be supe-ersi-ized

Big guns, big guns, big gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uns
Each day I'll be blastin' and reloa-oadi-in'
Big guns, big guns, big gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uns
Sorry in advance if I miss and shoot you-ou-ou-ou, you-ou-ou, you-ou-ou-ou
Get shot in the arse, I'm too eager to shoo-oo-oot

Bullet casings rainin' do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-own
Cause I saw a pigeo-eon
Should've only shot one rou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
But I love the feeli-in'
Of squeezin' that trigge-er
Watchin' bullets fly-y
All manner of guns
Snipers and double pisto-ols, ri-ight
Shots I'm no-ot walki-in', don't care i-if I hit ri-ight
A-all I care 'bou-out is shootin' things all day and a-all ni-ight

Big guns, big guns, big gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uns
Home's so full of holes from all my shoo-ooti-in'
Big guns, big guns, big gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uns
Walls got in the way, now I've got a nice view-iew-iew-iew, view-iew-iew, view-iew-iew-iew
Those holes in the bog door should be sealed

You'd ho-ope that my huge-ass gun horde
I'd hi-ide, keep 'em out of my hands
But no-o, should know that I am a dumbshite, brains like old pee-eels
Need to have four or five weapons on hand in case of stu-u-uff

Big guns, big gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uns
Can't compensate for my tiny pe-eni-is
Big guns, big guns, big gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uns
Did that just slip out, I didn't mean it, du-u-u-ude

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-oh

True story: the first lines I thought of for this parody were the last chorus. Because dick joke.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.3
How Funny: 2.3
Overall Rating: 2.3

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   8
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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NRA Nation - July 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Boy, I betcha never shot anything of real size or significance in your life. When you say 'shooter' just whatcha alludin' too, son? A full power cartridge .223 or some poor imitation AR in .22LR? A .50? If pistol, are ya takin' 'bout an old wheelie revolver .357 or .44 Mag, or a manly .40 cal S&W auto gun, maybe a traditional Colt .45 ACP or a Kimber? And what arsenal? Please explain yourself. Responsible NRA shooters know their guns intimately and keep their ammo secured. We are a proud nation of hunters, collectors, and defenders of the Second Amendment. We keep this nation anti-commie and protect borders. A multitude have served. Your sub-par parody is insulting to us real men that actually can maintain their firearms and hunt with great skill. Ya sound like a darn fool with that penis reference. What have you ever done with any full power firearm? Elaborate. For all we know you might be some fancy Metrosexual driving a big Mercedes to compensate for your tiny genitalia and knockin' guns for fun. Ain't funny. Caliber .111
Manny Oakley - July 02, 2014 - Report this comment
@NRA Nation: Betcha don't know ya shouldn't use 15 testosterone patches at the same time. They cover up ya manly tattoos. Whatcha think, son -- the Chardonnay sippin', commie sissies like me are gonna emasculate ya? An illegal wetback is gonna steal your boyfriend? Drive ya pickup back to ya trailer, boy, and get it on to your poster of Charlton Heston. My caliber is 5 times bigger than yours.
Blaydeman - July 02, 2014 - Report this comment
@NRA Nation: the_conqueror_of_parodies is from Australia, smart one. They don't have the NRA. Actually in 2000 the NRA falsified records claiming Australia gun violations increased when more restrictive laws were implemented. The Australian Attorney General had to confront them and exposed them for using incorrect data. So... yeah, thanks NRA.
Rob Arndt - July 03, 2014 - Report this comment
I didn't want to vote on this one due to hating both the NRA and gun politics. I love firearms and have had huge arsenals, but do not agree with the 2nd Amendment interpretation and falsification of US gun history to justify the types of firearms that cause all the trouble in this nation when used by a mentally unstable or psychotic individual. These arms all come from Germany and its tech and have nothing to do with US history in this nation. Even the Kentucky Rifles were made by German gunsmiths in Pa. and were based on the German Jaeger Gewehr. All rifling, breech loading, first Anti-Aerial gun, first auto pistols, first true SMG, first AT gun, first motor-driven cannon, first true assault rifle, first double action military pistol, first true GPMG, and so on are Second and Third Reich weapons meant to kill the enemy. They were brought back here and the Allies and Soviets copied them. The immortal AK is based on the STG-44 of WW2 and the dreaded RPG was based on the Panzerfausts 150-200M. The NRA are liars about what is ours like the: Colt Peacemaker, Colt M1911A-1, Thompson SMG, Gatling gun (hand-cranked and motor-driven), the M-2 MG, etc... so revolvers and our own auto-pitols, SMGs, hunting rifles and shotguns are all legit. But the foreign arms are dominated by German tech. As for the parody, it is a parody so any refs to gun owner stupidity and size of calibers, etc... are acceptable. I'm surprised that Patrick has not weighed in on this as he knows guns and collects them. As for the sniper comment, it isn't true. There are very few pure military sniping rifles allowed sold and so it's just easier to buy a .300, .30-06, .308 sporter and slap a German scope on it than to try to buy a $9000 Erma SR-100 in .338LM with a range over 1600m!!! I've had all types, so I know. Contrary to any belief held here by anyone, I know all my military facts by heart and seldom ever consult any book or online ref for anything. Have an encyclopedic memory for weapons and 145 IQ plus the experience of shooting for 43 years. Also, one doesn't need to use a sight to kill. With a aim-and-spray AK full-auto or TMP, SMG it isn't necessary and for a pistol, even police are taught to shoot in low visibility at the human center-mass for a kill. Usually a double tap with their 2.5 lb trigger pull on their SIGs or Glocks. Very few PDs can afford HK or Walther and if they do they are for SWAT or MIL-SWAT teams. The US Army tests all foreign arms in Az. and I've been to the facilites and tested quite a few. The Secret Service does the same in D.C. Even the Vatican Swiss Guards are armed despite the ceremonial costumes and cross-train with the best Armies and HRUs on the planet. Inside the Vatican are weapons in strategic locations to repel any intrusion and they are even rumored to have heavy weapons inside and at lower levels. Biggest caliber I ever shot was both the Israeli hand cannon .50 cal by IMI and a US AMR (undisclosed). The former hurt my hand and I don't know why Israeli tankers would carry them when they have room in their Merkavas for racks of assault rifles and SMGs, even a 60mm mortar! the latter hurt my shoulder despite the recoil padding- worse than any AK series. This parody is OK b/c it is light on miltech and milspeak and devoid of technolang. Not my kind of gun parody as everyone already knows. Peace, gave my $2 worth :)
Sherman Binet - July 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Arndt: "Have an encyclopedic memory for weapons and 145 IQ..." Your boasting about your I.Q. is not only in poor taste, but proves you are a fool. Cognitive ability as measured by I.Q. has a very tenuous relationship to artistic, comedic, and musical creativity. For example, possession of a high I.Q. does not predict success at writing parodies, as you have amply demonstrated. I would also add that despite your 145, your latest showpiece commentary shows colossally poor judgment.

I am a "vet" who, as a child, had an I.Q. which was two standard deviations higher than yours. (And I'm not even German!) It is undoubtedly lower today, and yours is decreasing, too. I am using a pseudonym; otherwise, I would be an I.Q. narcissist like you.
Rob Arndt - July 04, 2014 - Report this comment
@Sherman Bidet, your use of a pseudonym nullifies you entire anonymous and worthless commentary which has nothing to do with either the parody nor my experience with firearms which is vast. And poor judgment? Over what? All historical gun refs are factual as is the false historical account by the NRA. Come back when you have some experience with firearms of a military nature and also post your author sheet to prove how great a parodist you are. I find that the majority of vets write about mundane subjects, are far from pacing perfectionists, and get low scores too. I am an amateur parodist but a very productive one with a wide range of artists, songs, genres of music, and I also use a lot of unorthodox materials others do not. I have 2438 parodies and 4037 entertainment submissions= 6475 total in under 3.5 years. Am Top Parodist Number 3 and Top Contributor Number 6 simultaneously. Dominate 7 of 10 categories as Number 1 with the other 3 at Numbers 2,5, and 6. Top that... oh, that's right, you can't!!! I hold the high ground here. Btw, I noticed that you ignored my encyclopedic knowledge of weapons AND 43 years of shooting which are very valid for this type of a parody. What do you offer by comparison (please stay on-topic)? Please write it down so I can LMAO :)
Sherman Binet - July 04, 2014 - Report this comment
The parody is satirically aimed at gun fetishists, but of course you missed the whole point and turned it into a detailed, self-serving, willy-nilly lecture on firearms, with the usual claims of German superiority thrown in. It is your commentary that is worthless. It is your rants which are mundane. So are your alleged parodies -- all 2,438 of them, or 4,037, or 6,475, blah, blah, blah. The slice-of-life observations of the best parodists are worthless to you because they have no facts. You simply do not understand the nature of their creativity, and that makes you very dull. A dull parodist. I am LMAO.
The use of pseudonyms is legitimate. You, for example, use them often while hypocritically condemning others for them, but you haven't the skill to disguise your witless writing style. Under pseudonyms you have belittled Australia (yes, you have) and you have supported MacArthur's desire to nuke Red China. And you've done so venomously.
"I hold the high ground here." What?? This site isn't a battlefield, bud. Encyclopedic knowledge of weapons won't help you here. You don't understand that you don't understand.
Rob Arndt - July 05, 2014 - Report this comment
Your commentary is inconsequential to me and boring like all the Masters of the Mundane here who recycle the same, tired topics of being trapped in traffic, shopping, eating various foods, taking a bowel movement, and so on. Topics that require no vast knowledge base nor extensive vocabulary. They are worthless to me. And who are you to say who and what is best on AiR??? Who are you? You evade on any discussion of your individual qualifications to judge and fail to respond appropriately. Nothing I stated in my comments was false nor in poor taste. I have an abundance of creativity as author, poet, and parodist online and off-line. And unlike you I have real life experiences that exceed yours that I can share here in my style which is dark parody most of the time. Despite 1-bombings I remain unmoved and occupy, moving forward at a pace of my choosing and still have those that like my materials whether they comment or not. I do not care either way. I have the stats and can verbally "fight" any detractor at any time with an arsenal of verbal weaponry. Btw, I do not object to general pseudonyms over political and/or controversial topics. NP. I only object to the supercritical, self-proclaimed expert wannabe site celebs that have no guts to post under their own names when they are so adamant about being right all the time. These are the same old, tired vets that spam the comments section to see their name in print with their chums. Do I care? No, not really. I comment when I want to, at my leisure. Your expertise on parodies and staying on-topic within the topic's sphere of interest is questionable when you can't answer simple questions in a reasonable matter. In gun matters, with complete relevancy, you are irrelevent and appear uneducated. You demonstrate that you know little of firearms and are not even man enough to distinguish fact from fiction regarding the NRA and line errors in lyrics within this parody that merit scrutiny and a lower than 555 vote as viewed above. Pro-gun btw does not automatically equate a gun fetish. I spent time in an armory and felt "at home." At home, I've had many arsenals of my own hand-picked in all categories and felt safe. I could be in a room with a primed 1 MT conical nuclear warhead that measures about 4 ft and be completely at ease. You really should think before you speak. Seriously... trying to attack my numbers and unique status here has failed miserably on your end. I remain relevent here and entrenched. Unmoved...
Agrimorfee - July 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Speaking of boring...

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