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Song Parodies -> "Vague-To-None Gestures"

Original Song Title:

"21 Questions"

Original Performer:

50 Cent ft. Nate Dogg

Parody Song Title:

"Vague-To-None Gestures"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

The English language is such a tumultuous thing, full of easily-to-misunderstand phrasing and subtle social silliness. Clearly a rigid system of not-at-all-nonsensical gestures will solve all the problems!
I look silly (I look silly)?
Don't be so stupid (don't be so stupid)
This is legit (this is legit)
Please understand it (please understand it)

I don't want the risk of tellin' lies
That comes with speakin' words out loud, right?
If there's one thing that I don't like
It's the vagueness of ambiguity
And so I think it's best for you and I
To decry any verbal message shite
Go with gestures, doubt there's any chance they might
Be mistaken for things that they aren't, babe

Girl, it's easy to work these out
It's much better than makin' sounds right now
How'd you miss that one? Tell me
Girl, so easy to work it out
So could you please move your eyebrow right down?
Can't've missed that one, tell me
(Girl)

When I waggle my elbow, that means "don't touch me"
When I point my thumb at you, that means "hot lunch", see?
When I look straight up then rotate my neck 45 degrees
That means I want you to charge the RC sports car battery
When I poke my index fingers at my nips
That means "dude, I'd like a beer" not "it's cold as shit"
When I want to go see a film, I'll double-blink my eyes
When I think that I missed a pill, I'll tap my chin three times
There's so many ways a phrase falls flat, words can lie
I'm makin' gestures to speak out with no quirks to find
When I thigh slap, that means "don't murder that jerk-ass kid
Sure, his whinin' grates, but prison life ain't great" you see
See the way that I curl my tongue? That means "nice hat"
When I trace words with my finger, in French, write that
Now if you need a little list to recall my crap
Sorry, I flicked my belly twice, that means I mind that (mind that)

Girl, I thought you could work these out
So much clearer than makin' sounds right now
How'd you miss that one? Tell me
Girl, so simple to work it out (woo!)
Would be great if your left eyebrow moved down
Can't've missed that one, tell me
(Girl)

Now do you get me when my shoulder is the part I'm punchin'?
That action simply means I want you to go sneaker shoppin'
Don't be mad cause I'm craftin' these vague-to-none gestures
To communicate, it's no joke that I will test ya
When I drum on my bum, please, what does that mean?
If you say anythin' but "what's the time?", I may have to scream
Eyes rollin' round, should be distinct what I mean now
I need you to get my arm flap's meanin' (it's "what's that sound?")
You must be denser than a brick that's been coated with concrete
To see me gorilla poundin' while stampin' both my feet
And find a meanin' besides "train's leavin'"
How deep is our bond if that's how you take the ol' thump 'n' stomp?
English is stupid, girl, rife with mistakes
And I won't budge from my new method, no way
It's not sign language, it's more ornate
It's just my style to click seven times and mean "clear skies"

Girl, I'd hoped you could work these out
They'd save time that we'd waste on sounds right now
How'd you miss that one? Tell me
Girl, takes no brains to work it out
So if could move your eyebrow right down?
Can't've missed that one, tell me
(Girl)

Can't communicate directly
With our words because they suck
I made vague-to-none gestures
Should be open-and-shut
When my fingers wiggle gently
Means "is that door locked or shut?"
These are vague-to-none gestures
Yet you're stuck in a rut?

I was gonna call this "21 Gestures" but it turned out I didn't have that many, unlike Mister Curtis Jackson, who proposed exactly 21 questions (not including the repetitions both in the chorus and of the chorus).

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