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Song Parodies -> "If I Rant"

Original Song Title:

"If I Can't"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

50 Cent

Parody Song Title:

"If I Rant"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

This is where I'd put a link to the TV Tropes page "Rant-Inducing Slight" because that perfectly encapsulates what I'm doing here but it's no longer an actual trope, so...yeah
Yeah
Haha, yeah
Yeah

If I rant, better go 'til my rant is done
Because if somethin' sets my hackles off, I'mma gonna ramble on
For sure 'til my jaw falls off, buddy (buddy)

It could be somethin' real stupid like callin' it "pop" (yeah)
When I've been callin' it "soft drink" since I could start talkin' (uh-huh)
Or maybe somethin' important like heinous crimes
That tend to get overlooked 'cause of shit like massive bribes (crrrap)
The topics that'll get on my nerves shifts with time (uh-huh)
I can't lay down what they are beforehand, that's right (whoo!)
I'm a walkin' time bomb, you can't just turn me off
All my wires have been closed off, all same-coloured ones
Believe me, nothin' is safe, hear me out
And leave me, nothin' is worth the whole bout
Ramble about anything that's stuck in my dome
You don't want to be near, spit'll splat and that's gross (yeah)

If I rant, better go 'til my rant is done
Because if somethin' sets my hackles off, I'mma set to ramble on
For sure 'til my tongue's in knots, buddy (buddy)

Put down my fresh sandwich, my hands'll move 'round while rantin' (whoo!)
With gestures so grand, you'll think I'm crap at actin' (yeah)
But that doesn't matter, the one thing that matters is grantin' (c'mon)
Real knowledge 'bout whatever nonsense your damn lips where flappin'
So gross, the way that all the lies flow so (whoo!)
You're a dimwit because you don't know (uh-huh)
Explain at length you're a bozo, it's no joke (yeah)
To me it's obvious that there's somethin' wrong with your brain (uh)
And I can't tell you in detail when my body's restrained
I'm movin' (yeah) around the room, I'm feelin' good
When movin' (yeah) the way that one should
While readin' the full riot act to any total dumbass (uh-huh)
With zero grip on any facts, not knowin' beyond jack
Make me mad and to compound that
Is the fact I had to put down my lunch, that's a cold-ass sandwich

If I rant, better go 'til my rant is done
Because if somethin' sets my hackles off (uh-huh), I'mma gonna ramble on
For sure 'til my lungs go pop, buddy (buddy)

All my ventin' should be real lessons, good for learnin'
When they pop up whenever the hell my heart's yearnin' (ahh)
To kill lies there, I'm burnin', burnin'
That I don't care if my rage looks really concernin' (yeah)
I could be at the shops deep inside the aisle (uh-huh)
Get pissed off, spreadin' what may sound like bile (whoo!)
And pure venom all about how the package says "lite"
'Cause a misspelled label is a clue that they're sellin' lies
I just gotta spit the truth, don't care if I (uh-huh)
Look like an ass, buddy, 'cause I'm right
Might catch me on the clock givin' way more than my two cents
The drive-thru, at a weddin', funerals, who's next?
I can't stop now, I have this deep need to go deeper
Fumin' goin' through 'til my lungs become weaker
I am what I am, you can like it or love it
It feels good to up and collapse from correctin' bunk and nonsense

If I rant, better go 'til my rant is done
Because if somethin' sets my hackles off, I'mma set to ramble on
For sure 'til my eyeballs pop, buddy (buddy)
If I rant, better go 'til my rant is done
Because if somethin' (haha) sets my hackles off, I'mma gonna ramble on (yeah)
For sure 'til I straight up drop, buddy (buddy)

Uh-huh, I'mma ragin' hot
Out my way, stop your crap
Spare me, haha

One of these days I'm gonna stop misspelling "mispelled" and all its variants. It just looks wrong with the extra "s"!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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