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Song Parodies -> "Window Shopper"

Original Song Title:

"Window Shopper"

Original Performer:

50 Cent

Parody Song Title:

"Window Shopper"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Ah, time for one of my patented "take the original song title literally" parodies. Mr. Curtis Jackson was using "window shopping" as a metaphor for those not as stupidly wealthy as him.
Oh!
This shop needs people spendin' all their dollars
So start spendin'

And don't be a window shopper
I can see you walkin' on by
I'm no fan of window shoppers
No matter the store, pushin' my temp'rature high
Please don't be a window shopper
Always gets me pissed when you browse and not buy
Really sick of window shoppers
Can't speak up but I can give stink-eyes

People might say my complainin' is silly
But if they tried to not blow their stack, wouldn't guilt me
The problems I have with these people aren't exactly
The worst, I am still gonna get really ranty
Shuffle 'round and then they stand in the one spot
No-one can move around their dumb ass, livin' aisle block
I can't put out my new stock, this is bullshit
"Could you move, please?" somehow means I'm the rude dick
It ain't my fault you're a bloody obstruction
And there's no signs like in-traffic construction
At least you don't have a damn trolley, that scans right
Wouldn't drag one around when you're just browsin', that's fine
Your hands have been all 'round, tissues to scratchin' your butt
Fresh fruit you're now holdin', holdin', holdin'
Must you touch now all the items that you won't want?
Sets my stomach rollin', rollin', rollin'

Please don't be a window shopper
I don't need your ass to come by
Wish I could ban window shoppers
Come in to the store? I don't think so, so bye-bye
If you're a big window shopper
I don't want your shit, sets off my twitchy eye
No, I don't like window shoppers
But I'm stuck with the rules I don't like

You could say part of my rage is not what they're causin'
It's more to do with what I have to do when they come in
You know the kind of forced happy "How are you doin'?
What do you want? Havin' fun?" It's so stupid
I don't begrudge the people who then tell me to piss off
'Cause I don't like any line I spout off
But it's the upkeep I'm expected to do, mate
That is where these assholes rub me wrong and just bring me more pain
Have to ask 'em all the damn time if they now know
What they want, what they're lookin' for, it's always a no-go
Don't have the time to do all my tasks, it's the same stage
Have to get back to the same douche 'til they've left, pain
You might say "Hold, wait, why not ask for that to be changed?"
Request is holdin', holdin', holdin'
I'm pissed, mate, the store owners have no clue
Their eyes are just rollin' rollin', rollin'

Blame it on the window shoppers
They should leave now if they won't buy
No love for the window shoppers
The rules of my store won't let me toss 'em out, shite
Gotta deal with window shoppers
Man, I wanna quit, it's not like the pay's high
Not enough for window shoppers
Drives me nuts, don't just wander 'round, buy

I will admit that I've done this at times, but never for as long as these guys. It was just in, look at the Transformers, out. And I say "was" because for a multitude of reasons, I don't do it anymore.

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Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   0
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