No, no, no, no, no, no
No, sorry, I'm not thirsty
I'm not snobby, I'm just not thirsty
Don't want a Bacardi, cause I'm not thirsty
I didn't wanna be here, piss off, I'm not thirsty

Cause I really hate the club, IMO, it sucks
Look, buddy, I'll up the tip if out the door, I can duck
My so-called "friends" are dicks, forcin' me to live it up
It doesn't help they flushed down my laptop's power plug
Look, I really hate the club, IMO, it sucks
And buddy, before you think that it's this specific one
No, it's the whole concept of "let's all go to the club"
If you think that they're fun, that's fine, but I think they're dumb

First reason I want out of this obnoxious club (uh-huh)
Is there's no room for me to move around, might be stuck (yeah)
I could try to ask my mates to make a path for me, but
That just brings me to my next point that makes this damn place suck (whoo)
The music plays a small range of tunes that thump
From EDM to trance to dubstep that make my head throb, bud (head, it throbs)
Not that I hate them, dude, I've got lots of 'em in my playlist
It's the volume that's hell on my brain, DJ's a prick (no lie)
And the words that they say are drowned out, pisses me off (uh)
What's the point of music when you cannot sing along?
I'm tryna find the door, wanna get home and play Halo (yeah)
But I can't, not purely cause of the lack of space, no (uh-huh)
It's all the strobe lights, man, they're way too friggin' bright
Stupid flickerin' shit, makes me sick, utter shite (whoo)
I'm sorry if this is what you like, all this floats your boat (uh-huh)
But I'd rather spend my nights watchin' friggin' grass grow (it's true, mate)

Yes, I really hate the club, IMO, it sucks
I never would go for this on a nightly basis, bud
Next mornin', you'll forget what you did last night and thus
It forms a loop of dumb-ass decisions when you're drunk
Yes, I really hate the club, IMO, it sucks
Not drinkin' the local piss or the fancy-schmancy stuff
The alcohol, it kicks me in a way that's no fun
You go ahead and chug, I'm fine with my water, bud (bud)

No joke, I loathe clubs, you should know
I rant at length 'bout the bad things
The drinks, the lights, the tunes, no room
Look, asshole (what), said I hate clubs (what) and that won't change (yeah)
I never wanted to come, but you forced it
You went and dragged me to the place I keep callin' "horrid" (whoo)
Now I'm sat by the bar, would play on my phone, right
But the shitty-ass strobin' makes that tricky, it's shite
There's a whole lot of assholes in the club, jock thugs
Callin' me "a little bitch" because I'm not drunk
I'm completely tired of the vomit on my shirt
And while there's a lot of honeys, bud, I'm not here to flirt
Even if I had confidence, I don't think I'm their type, bud
I'm not in shape, my jokes are lame and I hate this lifestyle, bud
I wish I was home in my bed and not here at the club
Won't you let me fuckin' leave?

I told you I hate the club, IMO, it sucks
Opinion ain't gonna flip, not even if I get drunk
First of all, gettin' pissed isn't happenin', you dunce
An altered mind-state doesn't really stick all that much
I told you I hate the club, IMO, it sucks
Be fine if I was your best designated driver, but
You've got one, good ol' Brett, he's right there shakin' his butt
He's really havin' fun, while right now, I'm havin' none
Ha-ha-ha-ha

Don't give me crap like "you don't know 'til you try it", can it, asshole
Dragged me to clubs lots of times, asshole, yet to have fun, asshole
You're stupid