Uh, how you feelin' now, my fellow hostage?

In deep shit here currently (my fellow hostage)
Doesn't mean I can't chat
Let's become buds while our hands are all tied up with rope
And let's hope that our kidnapper will stay on his Samsung

So how'd he get you here? Got chloroformed, mate
I guess that's what I get for fallin' in with his dorm mates (mates)
Kept pullin' pranks through the summer, I saw right through 'em
And yet how'd I get in this bunker?
It's quite the lame-ass tale
He asked "What's this taste of to you?" Shoved into my face
So poor me got immersed
In drugs that reversed my thirst for air bursts (bursts)
How about you? Were you out clubbin'
And had some drinks before this dick started a-thumpin' with his truncheon?
It's a bit funny, really, my eyes feel teary
Get your plight, but I have this theory
This dude coulda spiked your beer, see
But he clubbed 'til you were weary in the club, get it? So clearly
This guy ain't some cut-and-dry basic villain
He's got a sense of humour, don't be wiggin' my fellow hostage

In some shit here currently (fellow hostage)
But not too much, let's chat
We can be buds while this man is screamin' on his phone
I think he mentioned a chopper, who cares about that junk?

You seen any big movies lately? Were they bad?
Don't keep starin' at the bad man and the wiggle of his ass
I understand if you hate me, crack jokes like crazy
But let's guess why he snagged us, maybe
He just wants a trip to Haiti
And so he cooked up a plan to fund it all with ransom cash, sounds crazy
Maybe those pills in his pockets
Are somethin' that he shouldn't have, mobs got him by the bollocks
Or perhaps he's just grade-A awful
He'll take folks with no goal, evil's on full throttle (full throttle)
At least he's takin' his sweet time to come
Over with his sweet gun and rub it right across my rappin' gums
This scene's upsettin'? Don't stress
That means he's dense, does not know what he's doin' with this
Since we're not wrapped up in chains
Hands might be tied, knots are shite, these seats are comfy and swank
I bet he'll approach me
And claim since he's got a gun means I should fear him, dude, blow me (blow me)
He might wield his own piece
But I've heard this screed in tons of thriller movies, my fellow hostage

In mild shit here currently (yeah, fellow hostage)
But screw that, let's just chat
This guy's so dumb, think I'll bask in his un-genius glow
What kinda stupid kidnapper wears green and purple duds?

I've earned my share of cheek
This ballsed-up crime proves he's a real clown