Oh, I just grow nuts for Christmas,
My nuts are hanging down
By mistletoe, I pin it so
Lotta' kisses come around

Yes, I grow my nuts for Christmas
Own a nut farm like Roseanne
And I fertilize with nice cattle pies
So, have bigger nuts, I can

Folks think I'm nuts for growin' nuts
But my big nuts will sell
Hey, I don't care, my nuts are there
Skeptic people can just go to shell..

Oh, I just grow nuts for Christmas
I've got acres, rows, and rows
My pickers pick till limbs are slick
Almonds and pistachios..

On the week before Christmas
I'll harvest my crop
Haul 'em off to the market
With donkeys that go klop..

People love my nuts, they're so round and nice
If weather gets warm, I'll put 'em on ice
When people see my nuts, they all get merry
Coconuts, my friend grows, and his are big and hairy

Sometimes I have dreams about my nuts while sleeping
In them, for my nuts, Beyonce' will come creeping
She sits on my face - and dances on my belly
She hugs me all over, Sometimes, it's Ripa, Kelly

When it's Christmas Eve, my donkey, dogs, and me.
Eat apples and pears, and nuts right off the tree
I'll make me a sandwich, with almonds and a pickle
Then eat it, can't wait - it gives my tongue a tickle

Yes, I grow my nuts for Christmas
Own a nut farm like Roseanne
And I fertilize with nice cattle pies
Growing bigger nuts, my plan..

Then I'll can 'em in a can..

(Come in and pick your own nuts...only five bucks a box)