This hand's my sore hand
This hand's my tired hand
I've been watchin' skin flicks
On the web with broadband
I've seen Britney's bald snatch
It gave me hair on both my palms
These hands were made for doin' me

Some men are ass men
Some men are leg men
When I see cleavage,
I just start to beg then
'Cause I'm a boob man
I wasn't weaned 'till I was ten
These hands are great for doin' me

In a whack-off contest
To see who was quickest
I won Gold and Silver
In the Sex Olympics
I couldda had Bronze too
But I needed a cigarette
These hands were made for doin' me

When you Google 'porno'
You'll find Paris Hilton
And her home made sex tape
She shoudda stuck to quiltin'
'Cause it was so bad
I barely watched it fifty times
These hands got tired of doin' me

When I take Viagra
I can work up blisters
But I'm ambidextrous
Yeah a double fister
When one gets cramped up
I switch hands and gain a stroke
These hands were made for doin' me

These are my sore hands
These are my tired hands
Think I've rubbed 3 inches
Off the tip of my gland
They say a hand's gotta...
Do what a hand has gotta do
These hands were made for doin' me