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Song Parodies -> "If Bush Only Had A Brain / The Nerve / A Heart"

Original Song Title:

"If I Only Had The Nerve / A Brain / A Heart"

Original Performer:

Wizard of Oz Soundtrack

Parody Song Title:

"If Bush Only Had A Brain / The Nerve / A Heart"

Parody Written by:

Leo Jay

The Lyrics

I'm REALLY not as partisan as this might sound -- all in good fun --sort of... ;-) Anyway... As sung by the Prez-ee-dent of these here U-nited States!
When I meet with Condoleeza for tutoring and pizza
It often causes strain
Though she tries hard to teach me, what she says just doesn't reach me
Since I haven't got a brain!
When she mentioned Ol' Bin Laden (A guy I'd long forgotten),
She had to re-explain
That we still hadn't caught the guy -- she seemed so damned distraught -- and why?
I haven't got a brain!

The stuff goes in and it goes out
(Well for a while, it rattles all about)
Sometimes it looks like I'm just zoning out:
No brainstorm here, it's just brain drought!

Though the patience of dear Condi could rival that of Gandhi
Her efforts are in vain
I will make no pretense to wit -- the facts are these: I'm dense as sh*t
And haven't got a brain!

When I meet with Colin Powell, his disapproving scowl
Is just what I deserve
He's got medals for valor; I've got sheltered rich-boy pallor
Cause I haven't got the nerve,,,
When that war in Southeast Asia (Myanmar or Malaysia?
Whatever...) - threw a curve
I refused to go overseas -- I had other... priorities
(And didn't have the nerve)

Go fight in dirt? I might get hurt
And spill blood on my favorite polo shirt!
I'd rather stay with Laura Welch and flirt
(And maybe get under her skirt)

But just ask my daddy's chauffeur: I wasn't just a loafer --
I was in the reserves!
But to face all the heat and fleas, and noisy fighting overseas?
I haven't got the nerve...

When I met up with some seniors, they talked about their lean years
When lives can fall apart;
I know JUST what they're talkin' bout -- my mom and dad sure toughed it out!
Of COURSE, I've got a heart!
There are some who say my war plan is, sadly, valued more than
My economic chart;
But my constant deployment guarantees our troops' employment
So of COURSE I've got a heart!

They think I'm just a little schmuck...
An panty-raiding frat boy run amok
With far more than his rightful share of luck
'Cause Daddy's got a zillion bucks...

If conservative compassion were not so out of fashion
I'd know just where to start:
Any Tom Dick or Harry could go ANYWHERE and marry!
(If I only had a heart...)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Guy - April 10, 2004 - Report this comment
A very good perception of the left's view on Dubya. Some very clever lines in there and the fact that you did all three songs into one makes it so much more complete. I've done parodies to all three of these but in separate songs. Oz songs are fun to parody and this was a fun read. It is so exemplary of the leftist view. Well done.

When those lefties start to jivin',
It's this song here that I'm fivin',
If they only had a clue!
David Chrenko - April 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Leo Jay, this is one of those political parodies I can't stand. I don't agree with its Liberal Left perspective of President Dubya . . . and yet , it's SOOO funny, and cleverly written, that had I had read this parody in a voting booth, I'd be laughing so hard I'd probably punch the wrong chad and become disenfranchised. I'll risk my good standing in the RNC, and vote you Honorary Ditto-Head Fives!
Jango and Kitty - April 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Even Kitty laughed at this one; she's only a kid and smarter than our President! Well, she's smarter than me, too, but that's beside the point!
Michael Pacholek - April 12, 2004 - Report this comment
In the immortal words of Avril Lavigne, this couldn't be any more obvious. But it tells the truth about Our Fearless Appointed Wartime Leader With a Purpose, so the fives are also self-evident.
Dudley Stone - April 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Its a shame that in these troubled times, people enjoy taking cheap shots at a man who has dedicated his time and energy to serving the country, at great sacrifice to his personal health and prosperity. Leo Jay, you should be praising The man you're bent on hazing -- A man of sacrifice And your words are quite awful At the same time they're unlawful Because slander isn't nice! How's that!
Adagio - June 21, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) I wish I could give this more than 5's...funny as usual, Leo> In the running for my vote for "I"'s. 5's
John Jenkins - June 21, 2004 - Report this comment
I've got to agree with Guy and David C. it annoys me that you have taken the stereotypes that the left loves to perpetuate and presented them so cleverly, but I have to acknowledge that this is a very good parody. And, at least you do portray Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice in a positive light.
Johnny D - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Let us always treasure our freedom to trash all politicians, all of the time, in the media.
Melhi - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
abc -- laugh out loud funny!
Meriadoc - June 26, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) This is Leo at his brilliant best. Funny, not at all mean spirited; I commend you!
MARTHA - June 27, 2004 - Report this comment
great parody ... very imaginative and cleverly written..... 5s - June 27, 2004 - Report this comment
This is one of those amazing parodies that makes you sit back and say FREAKIN' A, LEO JAY! Stellar. Rhymeriffic.
Leo Jay - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Somehow it seems like years ago that I'd written this. So nice to have it get new viewings recently. Thanks Spaff, Martha, Meriado, Mehli, Johnny D, John Jenkins and Agagio for the kind comments!

And, Dudley... well.... Dudley.
Adagio - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Leo...:D Do I 'gag' you? 's ADagio, dear. ;)
Leo Jay - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
My bag. ;-)
Leo Jay - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
My bag. ;-)
Sweet Indigo - August 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Hehe, I love the rhymes. Very clever song.

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