AUDITIONER 1:
I would fail no more auditions,
Need no more transpositions:
With just one vocal change.
My voice would improve a lot, oh,
With a little more vibrato,
If I had a wider range.

I’d be tuneful and harmonious
my notes no more erroneous
And my voice won’t sound so strange
With the notes I’ll be making
I could be the next Clay Aiken*
If I had a wider range

Oh, I could sing so high
And also tones down low.
I’d try out for roles where divas dared not go,
And I would not need falsetto

I would not be just a nothin’,
My voice just squeaks and puffin’,
And causing list’ners pain.
On stage I would be merry,
Singing just like a canary,
If I had a wider range.

AUDITIONER 2:
When I stand on stage to try out,
I feel the urge to cry out,
But I don’t have the heart.
I’d peform, not just mumble,
I’d be lead and not ensemble,
If I just could act the part.

I’d be furious—or gentle—
Or cold—or sentimental,
Act strong, or dumb, or smart.
With one word, with one gesture,
I would quickly interest yer,
If I just could act the part.

So here I stand,
Reach out my hand,
And mutter, soft and low,
“Wherefore art thou, Romeo?”
But no one claps…
Oh crap!

Oh, to show all that emotion,
Display my strong devotion
to my theatric art
I could make it past auditions,
Break down all my inhibitions,
If I just could act the part.

AUDITIONER 3:
Dancing’s really hard for those
Who cannot touch their toes,
Or do a ballet stance.
With the perfect pirouette,
I would be a triple threat**,
If I just knew how to dance.

Even if I’m bold or gutsy,
I am awkward, I am klutzy,
Doing splits I split my pants.
But I’d be lithe and ethereal....

2:
I’d be grand and imperial....

1:
I would be Broadway material,

ALL:
If I had the talent Mrs. Jones*** demands.
Then I just might get a voice
a part
a chance!