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Song Parodies -> "If I Only had a Brain (Performed by George W.)"

Original Song Title:

"If I Only had a Brain"

Original Performer:

Wizard of Oz

Parody Song Title:

"If I Only had a Brain (Performed by George W.)"

Parody Written by:

John Harvey

The Lyrics

Ladies and malcontents, I give you the president of the United States of America!
[George W.]

I would form my own opinions
Ignore my crazy minions
And go with what was sane
The people, they'd be happy
And the world would be less crappy
If I only had a brain

Instead I kill Iraqis
And I choke on little snackies
The market's down the drain
With the trouble I been causin'
The people stopped applausin'
God, I wish I had a brain.

And I can't justify
Why our country goes to war
You may wish that you had made vote to Gore
But it's too late, until '04!

'Til then I run the nation
I'm causing devastation
I'm causing lots of pain
My expression's blank and airy
Boy, the future's looking scary
'Cause I just don't have a brain

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 65

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   7
 2   0
 3   1
 4   16
 5   41

User Comments

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Klarissa - March 17, 2003 - Report this comment
This is so true...
Phil Alexander - March 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Brilliant. "Instead I kill Iraqis/And I choke on little snackies" ROFL!... "You may wish that you had made vote to Gore" - an intentional Bushism?

John Harvey - March 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Actually it wasn't intentional. I'm horrible with typos. It was supposed to be "You may wish that you had made YOUR vote to Gore". I had a Bush moment and forgot to put the word in the song. Oh well. Thanks for seeing cleverness in my mistake.
Michael Pacholek - March 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Typos aside, I give it a perfect score.
John Harvey - March 17, 2003 - Report this comment
I like my top line. ;)
neminem - March 18, 2003 - Report this comment
very close to perfect
BM - March 19, 2003 - Report this comment
horrible- think bout what ur writing and think bout how much u no bout the war and how much our great President does
Alix - March 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Great parody. The prez sucks and everyone knows it
John Harvey - March 19, 2003 - Report this comment
BM, I have no idea what you're trying to say. I kinda got the gist that you didn't like my parody because it insulted the president or something. Well, I'll give you credit for being the first 1,1,1er to tell me why they flunked my song. Unfortunately it's not a very good reason. If you can't be objective about a political parody, I suggest you don't vote on it. I would like to thank the rest of you for your possitve comments. Thank you.
Mouse - March 20, 2003 - Report this comment
Instead I kill Iraqis And I choke on little snackies *fals off chair laughing* Best... parody.. line.. ever.. XD
Kevin - March 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Standard liberal logic. Your buddy Saddam kills 1.5 million people while Clinton is president, but Bush is the bad guy. If your family was among these victims you wouldn't be writing this drivel. The world is about to realize that your buddy is the second coming of Hitler. But then again, they were just Jews, not your family.
John Harvey - March 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Standard conservative response. I have heard arguments like yours everyday for the past month. You neglected to mention that we gave Saddam his weapons of mass destruction and supported him when he killed millions in the Iran-Iraq war. You also neglected to mention that since the first Gulf war Saddam's military strength is greatly deminished. Saddam is not the second comming of Hitler, he's just another dictator that was set up by the U.S. and now has gotten out of control.
Kevin - March 23, 2003 - Report this comment
.You are correct. I did neglect to mention these "facts". Because even if true, they are irrelevant. Saddam alone decided to gas his own people. It was his decision only to rape, torture, mutilate and murder millions of people. Plus, these reasons are on top of the fact that he is thumbing his nose at the cease-fire treaty he signed from the Gulf War. (In addition to the 16 individual second chances the U.N. has given him.) Include also his proven support of terrorist activities, and we have a person only a liberal could love. It is amazing what liberals can excuse in the name of pure partisanship
Stray Pooch - March 23, 2003 - Report this comment
John: Cite a reliable source that indicates that the United States gave any WMD to Saddam at any point in history. Iraq was a Soviet client state. The US did support Iraq for obvious reasons during the Iran-Iraq conflict, but we most certainly did not provide chemical, biological or nuclear weapons. Your claim is typical hasty rhetoric. To say we gave WMD to Iraq is to indicate that we deliberately broke international law to aid a client of our sworn enemy. Though the US has certainly broken laws - as all nations do - it had no reason (especially prior to 1979) to support a Soviet ally. Cite a source that is not some ultra-left wing propaganda site - let's say Jane's Defense or a similarly reliable source of military information. Or cite a UN report, an internal investigation by the State Department or some reasonably objective body. Please don't cite a Greenpeace claim or Amnesty International. I'd be interested in seeing a reliable backup to that claim. Iraqi weapons are Soviet - not US - and even any technology or weaponry we may have provided during the I-I conflict would have been conventional, not WMD. As to Saddam not being comparable to Hitler, what he MAY lack in scale he made up for in brutality. Many Iraqi families would scream at the injustice of your dismissing his horrors far more than at US intervention in the Middle East. The difference between Saddam and Hitler is one of opportunity - not intent. Now, as to your parody - hilarious. Concur with the "snackies" line comments - I cracked up! You did, however, have a REAL Bushism. "Applausing" is not a word - it should have been "Applauding". (Not to mess with your rhyme scheme - lol! ) Nevertheless, I gave it high marks. It was a risky choice of song - this one's been done to death - but you pulled it off (snackies - I still love that line!). I don't grade parodies based on my political view. I grade them based on their quality and this one's good! Your politics stink, mon frere, but your creativity is flying high!
John Harvey - March 23, 2003 - Report this comment
I would rather not have this comments page turn into a policital discussion forum. I'm getting enough 1,1,1 crotch shots on my political parodies without you guys pointing out the holes in my arguments. As to the Bushism, I took some liberties on "applausin'". After all the origional son had a bigger Bushism, if you want to call it that: "I'd unravel every riddle For any individdle"
Stray Pooch - March 23, 2003 - Report this comment
LOL! Yeah, I guess this war has my trigger finger itching! Sorry 'bout that! Rest assured, you got no "crotch shot" score from me! But I will say "individdle" is not a Bushism - it's an Ogden Nashism - lol!
DAN - March 25, 2003 - Report this comment
John Harvey - March 25, 2003 - Report this comment
Glad you liked it, DAN.
1basebawler - March 26, 2003 - Report this comment
i love it. actually, im a supporter of bush, with him having one of the hardest presidencies ever. even with that, this is a hilarious parody and i think that some political cartoonists should look at this song.
ib - March 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Too often this patriotic americans enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thinking. Nobody is saying that Saddam is a good man and is not a threat to the world, but so are Jiang Zemin and Kim jong il. They all oppress, kill and torture their people. Both countries are well known to have a Nuclear Bombs which saddam don't have, thus making them more of a danger to the world. But why are their countries aren't attacked by the US yet? Sure Iraq has invaded kuwait, but does anyone here remeber a country named tibet? or is it already now a part of china? Although I must admit that Iraq has an abundant reserve of OIL which these two countries don't have, and in that part I think Iraq is guilty. So if Patriotism is the willingness to kill and to be killed for trivial reasons then for crying out loud call me unpatriotic... ANYTIME!
outofthisworld - March 28, 2003 - Report this comment
DAN:..... what? btw, great parody!
Kevin - March 29, 2003 - Report this comment
ib - I have to laugh when morons try to be deep. First he steals someone else’s quote to start his rant. Then he admits that Saddam is "a threat to the world". Then he slides into the Clintonian argument that "everybody is doing it". As if that matters. After that comes the standard silly oil argument. A few minutes of research would show him that China produces more barrels of oil per day than does Iraq. But he's not about facts is he? ib simply will oppose anything G.W. does, even to the detriment of his own country. And THAT is the definition of unpatriotic. P.S. You forgot to throw in the liberal disclaimer "but I support the troops."
John Harvey - April 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Oh, right. I forgot. I support those men and women who lay their lives on the line to protect our freedoms everyday. My beef is with those who tell them where to shoot.
Kevin - April 11, 2003 - Report this comment
It must be tough to be a liberal these days. You have to pretend to like both the military and the police. Even though you despise both. Then you hope for failure in Iraq, and that doesn't happen. All you're left with is pointing out non-existant "bog downs" in the advance, and that Rumsfeld "didn't send enough troops". I guess you'll have to go back to pretending the election was somehow invalid.
John Harvey - June 12, 2003 - Report this comment
Still no WMD's, folks.
Baghdad Bob - June 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Snappy comeback, raeally, so twisted nerve! Only take you dumb liberal two month to come up with line. All American suck and die. I am hating both liberal dogs and consearitive war mongering Boosh peoples. And there are no Americans still in Iraki.
Bob Gomez - June 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Great job, John. I think you meant "malcolmtents", no? d;:^)
Michael Pacholek - June 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Actually, John, plenty of WMDs have been found. These, however, are Weapons of Mass Distraction. They are launched every day on Fox News, or, as we think-for-ourselves Americans call it, "Faux News." Or did you not hear about the GOP Congress tearing up Head Start? Don't let the (expletive deleted)s get you down, John!
Baghdad Bob - June 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Malcolm is no sell tents, never. Sell tents is for Iraki peoples only, always. And there is no Americans selling tents still in Baghdad airport at any time.
Kelaal - June 21, 2003 - Report this comment
Is it just me or have I read this exact same parody on another website?
John Harvey - June 22, 2003 - Report this comment
It's just you. This is an original work. I checked the internet to be sure no one came up with the same idea. There were other "If I Only Had a Brain" spoofs on George W., but they were different (and not very good, quite frankly)
AMIRIGHT AWARDS NOMINEE - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Best Parody About Iraq/Bush
Wend - December 21, 2004 - Report this comment
I was rolling on the floor. Thanks for making my day. It just so happens that the Wizard of Oz is my favorite movie and President Bush is my most Un favorite person.

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