[intro]
The game will be fair, the parodies unite
This is the time you're going for a ride
Let the old be renewed far and wide in this January medley!

I think I lack
That real good sight
Know whether I now can read and write.
Mild is my lack
But wild the sight
Those glasses swirled gave me a fright
A colorful sight.

I might have believed that ice
Could turn into a dental vice
It would shock the greatest sleuth
That a gumball broke my tooth

I don't mind spending every day
understanding your loving ways
I was the boy with the wavered heart
let you in when I was torn apart,
and thy will be done
thy will be done

Goodman and Krupa
Way 'fore Alice Cooper
There were Bingle and Frankie
And nothin' playin' on TV
Great-grandkids in high school
They know that she's so uncool
And she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1945

Tonight's the fight
I'm feeling way uptight
It's my "woman" time
And I'm gonna go have me a cow

Every mornin' at the mall you'd see her arrive
She stood 6'2", and weighed 145
With a generous bust, a little wide at the hip
Everybody knew she knew her lipstick
Big Blonde!
Big Blonde, Big Blonde, Big Dumb Blonde!

I'm a Viking, on a stolen ship I ride
I'm unwanted dead or alive
Unwanted dead or alive

Please don't cry!
(I'll take pictures of your leg)
Black and white!
(Let's hope you made a clean break)
I say, "My!
You're looking radiant today!"
You had an x-ray!

My Packard Bell's draggin down like a snail...
Spam E, Spam E, Spam E's...my mail
Makes me wanna' drop it from ten story's high
Spam E, Spam E, Spam E's...is why

Nothin' but some flour'd salt
Boiled water with added paste
Refuse it and default
It's poor porridge with no taste
Don't Eat Gruel, it's a food that's cruel!
Even if there's nothin' else
Instead of eatin' gruel, just starve yourself!

The stupid extremist liberals
Whining at us all day
Morons believe them
They will deceive and
Let my family pray (liberals)

Old McDonald had a Gun, E-I-E-I (BAM!)
And on his farm he had landmines, E-I-E-I (BOOM!!)
With a Bam,Bam here and a bam,bam there!
Here a bam,Here a bam,everywhere a bam,bam!
Old McDonald had a Gun, E-I-E-I (BOOM!)

[prelude to final portion before outro]
Are you ready, classics?... I can't hear you!... Ooooooooooooohhh!

Yes, I'm talking 'bout the one-forty-two, the old trusty Volvo one-forty-two
It had triangle brakes, narrow steel wheels, and the body looked like a box
Yes, I'm talking 'bout the one-forty-two, the old rusty Volvo one-forty-two
They used to paint them all green, well ya' know what I mean, it was a helluva crappy car!

[outro]
Wherever there was a lot more action
There's going to be more satisfaction
That's the end of this attraction, it's a January Medley!

[Hot Rocks Polka-style Ear Booker Polka]
Janu... ary... Med... ley...
Lots of action... satisfaction... the attraction...
January Medley! Yay!