Song Parodies -> "My Brother and His Laser Can Opener"

Original Song Title:

"I Wanna Be an Airborne Range"

Original Performer:

US Army

Parody Song Title:

"My Brother and His Laser Can Opener"

Parody Written by:

Roger and Robert Arndt

The Lyrics

Back in the 1970s my brother and I would often argue about future tech. My brother had this insane idea of a laser can opener that drove me crazy. Although we did not parody this idea, the origin is my brother, so I'm giving him credit. Amazingly, both an individual with a patent and a Japanese company are working on it!!! Apparently, I lost that bet 41 years later!!!

My brother envisioned a laser can opener,
An insane idea I hated forever
Laser can opener?
Danger for all owners!

Stupid idea this laser light wonder
Cut off your fingers and hands with blunders
Light wonder, safety blunders!
Laser can opener? Danger for all owners!

His science gave me constant headaches
Ridiculous nonsense, devoid of real ethics
Headaches and lack of ethics
Light wonder, safety blunders!
Laser can opener? Danger for all owners!

Now over 4 decades later
A patent by an inventor
Japanese investment bankers
I'm surprised Google tech didn't handle this matter!
My brother beat me again
His crazy designs for stupid inventions!
I'll deal with it best I can
But I would never buy one, man
Got a shield for cutting circular
Got an Auto lid remover!
Now could my brother have become rich?
I don't think this thing is a fix

In fact, I'd worry if there was a glitch!!!

And NO can opener can beat tuna or pasta splash!!!

This came about due to the light sabers of "Star Wars!" And don't even get me started on his Nuclear Force Field Shield he dreamed up at age 8!!!

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Peter Andersson - January 20, 2016 - Report this comment

Surprisingly hard to google TOS on youtube but I get the general pace of it so I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt for the rest. Agreed that can openers probably wont't be high on the list of uses for lasers - more like that weapon in the B-Movie "Congo", if anyone remembers that one.

Rob Arndt - January 20, 2016 - Report this comment

It's a US Army cadence song! The lyrics are easily Googled. I altered the last verse to reflect my views on this absurd household future appliance. The pizza hydrator in " Back to the Future 2" is more likely!

Rob Arndt - January 20, 2016 - Report this comment

I need to follow this up with people who live in the 21st century and who still use hand can openers! Annoys the hell out of me. Emergency back up, survival, homeless people? Yes. Normal households? No!!! Try opening a No 10 can with a manual!

Rob Arndt - January 20, 2016 - Report this comment

Btw, communication lasers are real and have been used in space and on land. During the cold war W German spies communicated across the Berlin Wall with IR transponder gear! And in WW2 the Germans used a light transcriber system to communicate outside cities surrounded by Reds who in vain dug circles trying to find the communications cables!!!

Patrick - January 20, 2016 - Report this comment

Just looked at DHgate, a Chinese marketing web site. Dozens of listings for twin-lens reflex cameras, the kind that uses film and features a look-down viewfinder. Even available in kit form. What will they think up next? An icebox? A car you start with a crank?

Rob Arndt - January 20, 2016 - Report this comment

I shouldn't have mentioned "BTTF" because both the auto-lacing shoes and smart clothing tech exist. I'm just waiting for Pepsi Perfect as Jon is ;-)

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