Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except for my spouse
The batter she stirred
Meant good holiday bakes
Some cookies and kolachi,
That a good woman makes

Our children were Nestled
And out of their Keds
We hoped Nestle's hot chocolate
Wouldn't mess up their beds
Grandma, in her kerchief,
Just blew a boog whap
That slid from her kerchief,
And stuck to her lap

Outside on the lawn
There arose our dog, "Clatter"
He scarfed down more "Ol Roy"
So he could get fatter..
Our neighor's wife, "Becky"
She threw open her sash
Sub-ankled her nightie
And gave me a flash

A moon with nice breasts,
I enjoyed the show
Came a lustre of old times
From objects below..
Then what to my wandering eyes
Should appear
Was her small sleigh tattoo
With eight tiny reindeer

Made me feel kind'a holly,
I giggled a snick-
Her window spread eagle
Had quivered my quick..
I fought back an urge
To make vocal my flame
Like a whistle and shout,
And call out with no shame..

"Now Passion! now, Fluster!
Now, Yearn! and Desire!
Down, Dammit! Down Stupid!
Don't rise up no higher!"
To the top of my shorts,
I could feel Freddie climb
A flubbering blubbering idiot, I'm..

Took my leave just before
More wild happenings grew
Rushed into the bathroom
Don't think my wife knew..
Clear up to my belt line
That rascal had grown
Felt some pulsating joys
Like I'd never known

A heavy loud banging
Was heard at the door
It was Becky's old man
He was "Mad as Hell"..sore
I flicked down Old Fred
Just as fast as I could
Greeted him at the foyer
With my proper placed wood.

He was dressed in pajamas
And a wifebeater top
A mean scowl on his face,
Thought my mind, "Call a cop.."
But with a diplomat's smile
And political cool,
I answered his eyes
And lied like a fool..

"In your window, saw nothing..
Why, did something occur?
Was just telling my family,
That how lucky we were..
Living next to nice neighbors
Such as Becky and you..
Step in and I'll mix us
A nice drink, or two."

His eyes, turned to twinkles,
He said, "Alright, Harry..
Stick a lemon on mine,
I'll have a Tom and Jerry."
His dry little mouth
Moved with tongue licking lips
While I was still thinking
About his wife's hips..

His stogie cigar hung relaxed
In his teeth
I felt contented and safe
There'd be no funeral wreath..
As he sprawled in the chair
And scratched his pot belly
Sort've looked like that old
Actor, Savalis, Telly

Tossed back his bald head
And chugged down the stiff drink
Then asked for another,
And said with a wink..
"You eyeballed my woman..
Now, didn't you, Sport?
Ain't she a hot looker?"
Was his shocking retort.

I stammered and stuttered,
Like a shy kid in speech class
But recovered my poise,
And said, "Yes, she does
Have a great ass!"
Then I hear him exclaim,
With a smile smirky tight,
"Bout as good as your own wife,
She flashed ME, last night!"